Dark Monday morning – But Sunny Inside

March 30, 2009 at 10:00 am (Daily Workouts/Eats, General Life Updates)

It was hard to wake up this morning after a week of sleeping in – especially when I saw the overcast sky and snow coming down. But I got up and took P to school while Aunt M stayed here at the house with K2 so she could use the truck when I got back. Getting back to routine is good, even if my sleeping in is over. 🙂

Had a nice dinner at Mom’s last night. Since I didn’t have a real breakfast, I had plenty of calories left at the end of the day. Which ended in me having a small Reeses pb egg at Mom’s house, about 85 calories. I also had a clementine. She had other things that would have been full of sugar and fun to eat, but I decided I didn’t like any of them enough to waste calories on them – they would have just been filler. So I had the clementine and the pb egg and we came home. Then I had a pudding for 100 calories – I wanted another. I wanted to eat. A lot. But I restrained myself, had 6 grapes, logged them, and it was 9 PM so I stopped eating. Go me!! I don’t know where this determination and motivation is coming from. The LIFE Diet should be attributed with getting me started and giving me quick enough results to snowball me. Showing me how to make some changes – adding lots of veggies and fruits and unprocessed foods. But I’m not really following the LIFE diet completely anymore. I’m still eating 3 meals a day with 1 or 2 snacks if I need them, I’m drastically limiting the starch I have with my dinner – 1/2 cup of a healthy starch, or no starch at all. I’m working out 6 days a week. I had K inflate my exercise ball so that I could do a bigger variety of bodyweight exercises with my cardio.

I’d say I don’t know why I waited so long to do this, but I do know why. I felt overwhelmed, incapable, weak, addicted to sugar. I didn’t know where to start to make changes, and I felt like if I just made small changes they wouldn’t make a difference, so why bother. I was exercising, but I was eating so much it wasn’t making a difference in my weight or muscle tone. I was frustrated, but almost resigned to never being able to lose the extra 70 or so pounds I’m packing around. Now I’ve only been doing this plan of weight loss for 4 weeks, but I still feel good, still motivated, and I’m still excited. I imagine there will be times that I don’t want to think about it anymore, but for now it entertains me to put my food into sparkpeople and see how many calories I’ve ingested. Restraining myself makes me feel like I’m controlling my body, not the other way around. I’m liking this, and I’m so glad Mom suggested the LIFE Diet and bought me the book, because if she hadn’t I’d probably still be “researching” stuff and I wouldn’t have committed to just making changes and DOING it. My hope and goal would be to plan for when I’m going to indulge, so that I don’t go back to feeling guilty and uncontrolled, but realistically I assume there will be some unplanned for slip-up. And again, my goal is to step over the slip-up, acknowledge it, not feel guilty about it, and get right back on track. The not feeling guilty is key, because I think guilt is such a crippling emotion when it comes to dieting and weight loss. The feelings of hopelessness and despair are never far behind the guilt, so I’m going to try to not even start that cycle. Life will happen, that doesn’t mean I have to jump back to the road of eating unhealthily and gaining weight and feeling tired and sluggish all the time.

The rest of today will consist of some cleaning that I didn’t do on Friday and today’s cleaning items. That will be vaccuming upstairs, washing the master bathroom sink area, dusting downstairs, and washing one bathtub. K has to go get his paycheck today, so I’m hoping he can take P with him and I can clean in peace. I also need to vaccum downstairs – that isn’t on the schedule for today, but it needs to be done and I don’t think it can wait until Thursday (vaccuming downstairs day) since we’re leaving Thurs afternoon for Utah. I want to make a list of the things to pack for Utah. Also like to take a crack at making a dinner menu for the family now that I’m starting to get the hang of my diet so that I can start feeding my husband better – he’s suffered a little this last month with me not making dinners in time for him to eat before he leaves for work, and the few times I have they haven’t necessarily tasted good. But he’s trying to be supportive so he hasn’t said much. Such a great man. So I’ll make a dinner menu for tonight and the next two nights and then perhaps take my calendar with me and make the 2 weeks for when we get back in the car. It’ll be something to do on the drive.

Oh, also going to stop at the library either before I get P or after and check out some of the books on my list (hopefully!).

Then, tonight will be dinner, play with the kids (going to keep the TV off after dinner and just play – even if I’m bored), bedtimes, dishes, workout (going to be a good one with my exercise ball!), shower, scriptures, bed. I get sick of my routines sometimes, but then I take a break for a couple days (weekend), and it feels good to get back to it.

Well, this is long and rambling. Will sign off now and get to work!

PS – 213.5 this morning – but not worried about it the .5 up.


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Sundays and 213

March 29, 2009 at 3:34 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

Sundays are tiring and restful at the same time, and I like them. The kids and I go to church first thing, which can sometimes be kind of stressful since K doesn’t go with us (due to work) and I have to contain K2 on my own for 3 hours in a setting where he’s supposed to be relatively “quiet”. But I still like it. We get spiritually uplifted, hopefully, and if not, K2 gets lots of time to walk around and be cute for other people besides us. Anyway, then we come home, have lunch and he’s plenty tired for his nap. Then we have a peaceful few hours and often go to Monument for dinner at my parents’ house, or just stay home. Sometimes K doesn’t have to work Sunday nights – other times he only has to work for a couple hours and he leaves after he helps me put the kids to bed. I like Sundays.

Today, we went to church. I don’t know how much I heard and absorbed of the lessons due to containing K2, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Came home and had a yummy hard-boiled egg & spinach wrap w/ carrots. Have just been hanging out this afternoon and we’re leaving in about an hour for Monument. So I don’t have to cook dinner. 🙂 And K doesn’t have to work tonight. Yay!

I was down to 213 this morning. So exciting to hit 17 pounds lost! So close to 20! I probably won’t stay at 213, it might go up again before it goes down again, but I’m feeling good about this process today. The tracking in sparkpeople seems effective, tracking not only calories but fat, protein, and carbs. I’ve also had it start tracking fiber for me so that I can make sure I’m getting “enough”. I mean I have enough trouble staying ‘regular’ as it is. So I’m trying to stay around the 1200-1300 range, but I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt my body or my weight loss to take it up to 1500 a couple days a week to make sure my body knows I’m not starving. But 213! Yay! I don’t feel so far away from 200 anymore, like it isn’t impossible. Feeling good. I had 2 small chocolate Dove eggs today that were given to me at church. And I’m logging them, and I’m glad I had them. I gave the Hershey’s kisses that were in the baggy and the little cookies to K2, and ate the two little eggs that I really wanted.

I’m actually looking forward to the challenge of this coming weekend travelling to Utah. I’m going to challenge myself to go running when we get there if its not after 9 PM, and if it is to go on Saturday at a minimum. Preferably, I would go Monday morning before we leave to come home as well. I’m going to order wisely off of menus and eat reasonable portions, and my goal is to maintain my weight loss while there. I want to continue to eat mindfully – remembering 3 meals and 1 or 2 snacks maximum (usually when traveling, my meals are all over the place, wacky times, big gaps between, with lots or no snacking). And on Saturday I won’t have a second snack because I plan on having a dessert Saturday night when I go out to dinner.

P is back in school tomorrow after her spring break. I’m also going to go to the library when I pick her up to see if they have any of the books from my list to read this week and to take a couple to Utah.

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How come weekends fly by even when they are no different than weekdays?

March 28, 2009 at 7:11 pm (Uncategorized)

Today has gone really fast. I got up, got the kids dressed and fed breakfast, and arranged for my mom to come get us so we could go to her house for a while. I have these worksheets that I made in Word for P to practice her letters, but needed to laminate them. Well, Mom has a laminator. Anyway, I barely got my breakfast made before my mom arrived and we took off. Spent the middle part of the day there, laminated the sheets (they turned out GREAT!), and discussed my weight loss approach. I showed her my tracking in sparkpeople and her fresh eye helped me find the place where I change my goals. So my goal in sparkpeople is not to get down to 165 by the end of October. I wanted to “do” it quicker than that, but it wouldn’t let me because that would have meant more than 2 pounds a week. Anyway from 215 to 165 by then put my calorie recommended intake at about 1200-1500, which is where I’ve been the last few days. So now I’m not so worried that I’m eating too little. Not sure how many calories that would put my maintenance level at, but I guess I can figure that out when I get there. I’m going to continue to track my weight in my excel spreadsheet, but I might stop putting my food in there since I’m putting it into sparkpeople. I also will continue logging my exercise in Excel because I don’t like tracking it in sparkpeople- too cumbersome.

I was back up to 215 today, but I’m trying not to let it worry me. Its only one pound and little dips and rises are to be expected, right?

Will walk for 30 minutes tonight. Church tomorrow morning. Had K inflate my exercise ball today, so I’m excited to have different exercises to do with that starting Monday.

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Calories up a little bit – maintained

March 27, 2009 at 11:18 am (Uncategorized)

Stayed at 214 this morning. Drank my full 64 oz of water yesterday. Ate around 1300-1350 calories. Walked for 45 minutes. It was a good day.

Its been snowing since yesterday early afternoon, and I’m feeling kind of cooped up. The kids are bugging me – granted, I’m not paying them enough attention. I’ve been in a binging kind of mood for a couple days now, but I’m refusing to give into it. I haven’t lost 16 pounds just to turn around and eat it all back on. Today is the last day of spring break, and I can’t/won’t really leave the house because of the nasty weather.

I also need groceries. I got paid today, and could feasibly go purchase some fresh produce and yogurt, staples of my diet over the last few weeks. But again, I’m not going out in this. K likes this weather, maybe he’ll want to go get me some stuff. Probably not. He’s not home yet; I’m assuming that is because the roads are making the usual speed of travel impossible.

We leave in less than a week. I’m so excited. Not sure I can lose 4 pounds before then, but even if I don’t its fine. I just want to maintain my loss when I go and not gain anything. Which means I’m going to have to run while there (outside, no less), and eat normal times and meals like I would at home. With only one exception – one really good dessert. Looking forward to that, got to admit.

I’m enjoying Inkheart – I’m about 75% done with it. Probably will finish it today. Will have to go to the library beginning of next week to see if I can find any of the other treasures on my list.

I’ve also qualified for another reward, but I’m not sure I want to spend the money right now. A purse is what it was supposed to be. We’ll see.

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No office this week

March 26, 2009 at 10:40 am (Uncategorized)

Because of scheduling conflicts and the potential blizzard coming in this afternoon, I am not going to the office today, or this week at all. Kind of relieved, but there are some things I should work on at home to get a few hours. Not right now, though, as I’m on my own with K2. It is kind of a strange feeling not having P here this morning. She usually wouldn’t be here anyway, but I would have seen her this morning when I took her to school. Instead, she’s at her first sleepover with a friend. I haven’t gotten any frantic calls from the friend’s mom, so I’m assuming all has gone relatively smoothly.

I’ll go get her in about 40 minutes when K gets home from work with the car. K2 is missing her, I think. I’m also thinking she might need a nap this afternoon – I can’t imagine it was easy to get all the kids to sleep in that tent the mom had set up in her living room. Crazy lady. 😉 I’m excited to see her at the same time I’m not. It is quiet here without her since she’s the only kid I have that talks. Ha! Of course, K2 makes his own kind of noise, but he’s relatively content this morning so I’m not too anxious to get P back. Is that horrible? Anyway, I hope she had fun. Potentially, her little friend could be moving away and so could we, so I hope she makes friends like this easily. There aren’t really any more girls her age in our ward, though, so that is going to be sad if they move before we do – IF we do.

Down to 214 this morning, another new low. Not going as fast, but I think that’s good. I upped my calories a little yesterday – not much. Was around 1200-1250. Today I’m aiming for around 1300. Ran hard last night and did arm weights. I’m so excited to have my collarbone visible again, I keep feeling it like I’m afraid its disappeared again. Not to say they are prominent or anything – I still have plenty of fluff – but I can feel it and see it in the mirror, and its been a while. Stayed up until about 11:15 last night reading after all my routine was done, and then I remembered the chickens in the bathroom and decided to go downstairs and rig them a nest to cuddle into for sleeping if they so chose. Is that stupid? Anyway, I rigged it out of 3 terry cloth cleaning towels and when I picked them up and put them in it, they seemed to like it. Though they did hop out after a minute and continue roaming around the bathroom. I hope they remembered it and used it to sleep, but I don’t know. Too bad I don’t have a bird-spy-cam. Ha!! For someone who doesn’t want the stupid birds here, I’m sure talking about them a lot and going to some trouble for them. Grrrg.

I’m reading Inkheart right now, and it is entertaining so far, though it is interesting that I’m so far into it and still don’t know what its really about besides books. A little slow getting going, but entertaining at the same time. I haven’t seen the movie – I don’t like to see movies first when I read books because then I can’t formulate my own mental images as I’m seeing the movie in my head. Some of the other series that are on my list to read:

Artemis Fowl series by Eoin Colfer
Septimus Heap series by Angie Sage
House of Night novels by P.C. Cast & Kristin Cast
The Edge Chronicles by Paul Stewart & Chris Riddell
Fablehaven series by Brandon Mull
The Host by Stephanie Meyer (not sure I’m going to bother)
Mortal Instruments Trilogy by Cassandra Clare
Want to RE-read Harry Potter series & the Twilight series

Most of these are books written for the youth age group that I technically don’t qualify for anymore, but in my struggle to overcome by addiction to “romance” novels (read: sleeze), I want to read books I can be relatively sure aren’t going to have any “junk” in them. Plus, these youth books are fun! I’m trying to read Harry Potter to P, but she might still be a little too young for those – too many words and not enough pictures. 🙂 So perhaps in a few years she will want to read them on her own – I hope the movies won’t have ruined that for her, because she LOVES the movies.

I’m going to go to the library before we leave for Utah next Thursday so that I can take some books with me to read. If I’m to have any hope of not killing time at K’s brother’s house by rummaging in the kitchen, I’m going to need to have something to do while we’re there. There’s always some down time when we’re not doing anything, no friends or family are visiting or being visited by us, and the kids are playing or sleeping. Usually when there, any down time is filled with food of some sort, but this trip has to be different. I’m hoping to be down to 210 by the time we leave – that’s 4 more pounds in the next week – and I don’t want to gain any of it back while there. Though that might be a little unrealistic considering I’m going to allow myself at least one big dessert.

Well I guess that’s all the rambling from me for today.

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New low and sparkpeople

March 25, 2009 at 11:13 am (Uncategorized)

I reached a new low today of 214.5. This loss means I’m going to give the progesterone cream some more time. Its very relieving and exciting to see a drop after 4 days of steady maintain or slight ups.

Yesterday I also conducted an experiment by putting one of my typical days of eating into Sparkpeople just to see what my calorie range intake was on the LIFE diet. And to my shock and surprise, it was barely over 1000 calories!!!! That is WAY TOO LOW to maintain for very long and not go into starvation mode! Good grief! Now every day wouldn’t have been quite that low, but I think its safe to say that I’ve been eating between 1000 and 1200 calories a day for about 3 weeks now. Wow. And I’ve been mostly satisfied! Crazy!

Anyway, today I’ve started to take measures to try and get it up to about 1300-1500 while still just eating 3 meals and 1 or 2 snacks. I’m going to try and continue making mostly LIFE diet meals and only having a starch with dinner a couple times a week. Like 1/2 baked potato or 1/2 cup of brown rice or some sweet potato fries. Actually I went to make some sweet potato fries for dinner last night and was dismayed to see that I stupidly left the sweet potatoes in a plastic bag and they’d all gone bad in a black, moldy, mushy mess. Darn. But I’m going to continue to monitor in sparkpeople as well for a few days to make sure I’m getting enough calories to not kill my metabolism. Sheesh. At least one day a week, I think I should even boost my calorie intake to around 1800 or more, but I’m not sure about that. I’m still so paranoid about starting to gain again or stopping my progress – now that I’ve committed to this thing, I don’t want to mess up. But if I’m going to make this work for the rest of my life, I’m going to have to make sustainable changes. And 1000-1100 calories a day is not a sustainable change!

In other activities, I went out with my mom yesterday and we visited a couple of book stores. It was fun, and I got a long list of book series that I want to read. Mom purchased one book and let me borrow it, and she bought another just for me. 🙂 I read it already last night – it was a quick read. The one that I borrowed is going to take me longer. I’ve decided to mostly stick with youth series, because they are often just as well-written and there isn’t going to be any junk; they’ll be ‘clean’. The only adult book I put on my list was Stephanie Meyer’s “The Host” and I’m not even sure I am interested in reading it.

Not much else went on yesterday except for the normal dinner, bedtime routines, and my workout. This afternoon P is going to her friend’s house to play and spend the night, so it should be interesting to see if that works out. She’s never spent the night without us except for at my mom’s house. I hope she has a blast, but its possible she’ll ask to come home at some point. We’ll see. I also might be going to the office tomorrow. We were reminded that we’re supposed to feed the missionaries this evening, but I don’t know how we’ll do that with K leaving at 5:30 and not much money. I have $20 left, which I might just give to them to buy themselves some pizza. And then I’m going to stop signing up to feed them because it never works out with K not being here in the evening.

It is almost mid-day and I’m not sure how the rest of today is going to go. I think K will be leaving soon to aerate his sister’s lawn and hand out some flyers. He doesn’t have to be back by 4 when I take the kids to P’s friend’s house because he’s not taking the car.

Over and out! Have a lovely hump-day!

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Back down to the low, in more ways than one

March 24, 2009 at 10:04 am (Uncategorized)

I’m in a foul mood today. Everything the kids do is getting on my last nerve, the house feels like a trap, I’m grumpy about the dieting and weight loss. The chickens are really pissing me off just by being in my house. Oh, that’s right, I hadn’t mentioned them yet. Yeah, Saturday my dear, wonderful husband came home from work around 1 PM with two cute litte *&^%$##@ chicks!!! ARGH! What, it isn’t bad enough we have a nasty back yard covered in bottles and bottle tops and dog poop? Now we need to add chicken poop to it all? And they can’t even go out there yet because they’re too small. So now my house isn’t only a construction zone with no carpet, its also part-farmyard. Sometimes I don’t think K loves me at all.

Anyway, I’m just grumpy grumpy grumpy. It is almost 10 AM and there is a whole lot of daylight left. And I kind of felt like this yesterday as well. So I don’t know what my problem is. Part of it might be….

Back down to the recent low of 215.5 this morning. But I don’t know if I’m going to keep using the cream. I honestly am going to give it one more day and if I don’t post a loss tomorrow I’m going to stop using it. It might very well be that after 3.5 weeks of weight loss my body is going to slow down now, but I find the coincidence of starting the cream and the day I stopped losing to be too risky right now. If I stop using it and don’t continue to lose because my body has just slowed down, that is fine and I can start using the cream again on my next cycle.

I think I’m going to put what I’ve eaten into a day of sparkpeople just to see what caloric range I’m hitting. Maybe it is too low. I don’t know.

Today, everything sucks. I’m considering calling my mom and asking her to come get me out of here, but I don’t think I’d be good company and I don’t know what we’d do. I also need to arrange for P to go visit her friend and perhaps spend the night this week. And I don’t know what day I’m going into the office, or what I’ll do once I’m there.

Everything just sucks. Do I sound like I’m two? Kind of feel like it.

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Worried, but how patient am I?

March 23, 2009 at 11:30 am (Uncategorized)

I started using a progesterone cream on Friday the 20th, following the cycle recommendations for women in their child-bearing years. I will apply it twice a day until the 29th, when I will stop until the 10th day after my cycle starts again (1st day of TOM). I’m using the cream for two reasons, 1) I’m assuming that it can’t hurt my chances of not having another miscarriage. I’m not planning on trying to get pregnant until September time-frame, but I’d like my hormones to be as balanced as possible by that time. I really don’t want to lose another baby. And 2), my libido is missing in action and has been since my first child was born. I need to research more on both of these things and the hormones involved, but I was advised by someone I trust and whom I know knows what their talking about that this cream would do wonders for me. So I’m trying it.

Well, what am I worried about? Its silly really, but I haven’t lost weight on the scales since the day I started the cream. It was the weekend, though, so that might be why there’s been no loss since Friday morning. I did have a piece of cheesecake in lieu of my snack on Saturday at the baby shower (small piece), but I didn’t have my LIFE healthy extra that night. Yesterday, I didn’t have my afternoon snack because I slept through snack time and then we left right away for Monument for dinner at my parents’. But I figured I made up for not having a snack by the chicken breasts that my mom had made with bread crumbs, sour cream, and some parmesan sprinkled on top baked in the oven. I didn’t have any of the mashed potatoes or rolls, just salad and green beans with my chicken, and I didn’t have a healthy extra that night, either. And we went for a family walk with the kids in strollers for about a half hour. It wasn’t a workout, but it was movement. Anyway, I thought it was a good weekend as far as a balance of indulgence and restraint. But I was up a half a pound Sunday morning and again this morning. So now I’m all paranoid that it is the cream.

Tonight is a running night. And there are no planned off-plan bread crumbs today. So I will continue as normal for a couple days and see if perhaps the reason I haven’t lost weight this weekend is the lessening of activity. Or hormonal shifts that will help in the long run. Or a lack of enough water. Or too much sleeping. 🙂 Anyway, I’m going to give the cream a few more days before I panic and cease using it.

Strangely enough, after I came downstairs, fed the kids breakfast, and had my own (a banana sliced into 6 oz of yogurt), I decided just to see what I was weighing in at (I know, I know, this is becoming obsessive). And I shucked my clothes and weighed – 215.5 instead of the 216.5 of an hour earlier. I really should use this arbitrariness as a sign to pay no attention to the number on the scale. But for now, I’m using the 216.5 number and I’m going to continue to weigh every day. I’d like to get to the point in a few months where I weigh in once a week. But not yet.

In other goings-ons, it is spring break for P this week. So no school. One of her little church friends has asked that she come play one day this week, and perhaps spend the night. P’s never spent the night anywhere but at her Grandma’s house, so I asked her if she wanted to and she seems excited by the idea. So we’ll see if she remains enthusiastic when its time for bed and she’s in some other place. There is supposed to be a primary activity this afternoon at a park, but it is pretty cold outside, so I don’t know if we’ll be going. It is supposed to snow tonight.

K told me his plan last night for the changes our family might be undergoing. It was surprisingly thorough, but worryingly up-to-chance in many points. But if it all went the way he hoped it would, it would all work out pretty awesomely. Except for in the end, we’d be living in Utah. Not sure how I feel about that. I’m okay with it for me, but for my kids growing up there…. I just don’t know.

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New recipe for pancakes

March 21, 2009 at 10:25 am (Uncategorized)

I tried the LIFE diet recipe for Apple Cinnamon Pancakes this morning. K2 seemed to love them, P ate about half of her two. They were a little bland, and definitely a different texture than regular pancakes, but they were tasty. Since I ate mine with yogurt instead of butter and syrup, mine were a little dry as well. Overall, pretty good. But I definitely wouldn’t make them every day. I have 4 left, so I could have them toasted on a different day.

215.5 again today. Ran hard last night. Think I’ll walk for about 30 minutes tonight. Have the baby shower this afternoon, which I still need to go get a present for. K should be home around noon, so I’ll be ready when he gets here to run to Walmart. She’s registered at Target, but I’m sure all the cheap stuff has been purchased already, so I’ll just get her some stuff I know she’ll need. Perhaps some diapers or wipes or something else unexciting.

I’ve decided to look over the food at the shower, decide what it is I REALLY want, have one, and count it as my afternoon snack. I won’t be having my LIFE extra tonight in order to make up for it. I’m assuming a brownie or something like that will be the most appealing, but we shall see.

In the meantime, I guess I should go get ready. Trying to decide if I want to spend the time to straighten my hair since I washed it last night around 11 and won’t be washing it again today.

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Duh… there will be food!

March 20, 2009 at 6:44 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats, Weight Loss)

Since I started the LIFE diet almost 3 weeks ago, I haven’t had any social occasions. Okay, there’s been one sort of, and that was the meeting for P’s kindergarten where they had cookies in the foyer along with CapriSuns. I took a CapriSun home to P and ignored the cookies. But that was after 4 days of my diet, not like I was sick of it yet. I’ve been eating healthily nonstop for 19 days including today. I haven’t had things that I used to consider normal for a day. Just a few of those things being potatoes, noodles, or rice with dinner. Chocolate. Candy or goldfish with the kids. Now without eating those things I’ve lost 14.5 pounds in a little less than 3 weeks, and that’s great.

Anyway, the point of all this is that when I wrote that post earlier today, it hadn’t  yet occurred to me that there will be food at this baby shower tomorrow. Yummy food. Food that is definitely not part of my diet. So, what to do? Not eating anything? Choose one thing that I really want to taste and have ONE of them as my afternoon snack? The shower is from 2-4, so it covers my usual snack time. Or do I take a portable snack with me? Chances are, there will be something I’m supposed to have for a snack, like some fruit. But will I logically be able to continue resisting all the really decadent foods? Let’s say for instance that there are some yummy brownies or cookies. What if I have one instead of my snack food? Can I trust myself to have that and then get right back on board with only Step 2 approved foods? And to stop at one? These are things that didn’t start to worry me until this afternoon when the light went on in my brain, and I’ve been nervous ever since. Honestly, I’m leaning toward assessing the food options when I first arrive, picking one of what I REALLY want, and trying to eat it as slowly as physically possible to enjoy it as much as I can and make it last a while so I’m not as tempted to hop up and get another and another and another. Color me nervous. This is good, though, because it can be a short trial run of how the entire weekend is going to be in 2 weeks when we go to Utah – temptation everywhere, and I’m going to have to have a plan to overcome without coming back having gained all my weight back.

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