Need to need to need to

August 24, 2010 at 11:34 am (General Life Updates)

I need to write some stuff down. I need to make some calls. I need to eat better. I need to get myself and the children some exercise. I need to, I need to, I need to. I need to make dinner each night, and get the kids and myself back on a regular daily eating schedule. I need to put the clean clothes away and wash some more. I need to take a shower.

And all I can seem to manage is eating junk, reading a book, or watching TV. And of course, feeding D. Endlessly, feeding D. Holding D. Pacing with D. And trying SO HARD not to yell at K2 or P.



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August 7, 2010 at 7:36 pm (General Life Updates)

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Power Struggle

August 7, 2010 at 7:33 pm (General Life Updates)

This is the part I find most stressful about having a new baby. The fact that I don’t know her yet and it is always a toss-up whether anything I try is going to work.

Right now, D is having a problem differentiating eating time from sleeping time. She can be wide awake, happy or pissed, and as soon as she latches on (and I try not to pass out from the pain), she goes to sleep. She sleeps through eating, then she sleeps through burping. Then she sleeps through eating on the other side. Then she’s done eating and I try to put her in her bassinett, and she wakes up and cries. It is vexing to the extreme. I have no idea how I’m going to get ANYTHING done when K goes back to work. Like, take a shower. Make dinner.

I know in my mind that these problems will iron out as she adjusts to being here, and we adjust to her. And as she gets older and I figure out what she needs and when. But, for now, it feels like this is just going to be impossible. I look at her and see how beautiful she is, and I love her. But, as usual, I’m starting to feel overwhelmed with the idea of every-day living. In a couple weeks, P starts school. And twice a day, I’m going to have to load all three of them up to take her to school and to go get her. Regardless of feeding schedule or if she’s napping, I’m going to have to disturb her and leave the house, rain or shine, snow or sleet. And there’s no garage here, just three flights of stairs and a parking lot. And an H3 that barely fits her carseat in between the other two, without the base so we have to use the seat belt each time. I’m basically going to have to climb in with the kids to get them all strapped in.

My mom will be here on the 12th for a week. That will be nice. K goes back to work the afternoon of the 10th after her new-patient visit with the pediatrician’s office that I picked (because its at the hospital and convenient). I’ll have two days with no adult help and then Mom will be a lifesaver I’m sure for the time that she’s here. And then I’m on my own. I hope by then I’ve got it a little more figured out than I do now.

On the up-side, I do kind of know what I’m doing this time as far as diapers, feeding (the pain WILL get better), sleeping when I can. Dressing her is not scary. I haven’t bathed her yet, since her cord hasn’t fallen off yet. But I probably will give her a little sponge bath tomorrow. I’m not bleeding too badly, I look forward to that stopping hopefully soon.

I have swollen up, strangely enough. I didn’t swell at all through the whole pregnancy, and then the afternoon I get home from the hospital, my ankles and hands ballooned and haven’t gone back down. So strange. Why am I swelling NOW? I have no idea. I’m trying to be patient and wait for it to go away.

I have a lot of weight to lose. I’m trying not to worry about it before its necessary. But I’m also trying to get my eating back on a reasonable schedule and healthy instead of just eating all the time like I wanted to the first few days, or eating small amounts of poor nutrition all day long like I was doing when she was squooshing my stomach.

I’ll post a picture shortly.

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Hope I find time to add more details later – birth of DRG

August 5, 2010 at 8:31 pm (General Life Updates)

It was a busy morning – the guy came to replace the linoleum in the kitchen (pretty wood-grain linoleum now! And so clean!), and my visiting teachers came by with their kids to meet me and offer meals for after the baby’s arrival. Which I didn’t know was going to be the next morning. My contractiosn started while they were here, but I didn’t decide until hours later that I was actually in labor.

This is the email I sent out to family and friends today when we got home from hospital (already edited to add a few details) :

Minus the announcement of her name, she was 9 lbs 8 oz and 22.25 inches long. In other words, huge. My biggest baby by over 2 pounds.

We went to the hospital at about 5 PM on Tuesday afternoon (August 3rd), the day before her due date after I had contractions from about 11 AM onward. After calling a whole bunch of my lady advisors (SIL, Mom, sister, nurse at hospital, nurse at doc’s office) to debate whether or not I was in false labor or real early labor, I decided it was lasting long enough and was “real” enough to chance going to the hospital. K came home from work a couple hours early, and I had the kids and I packed up and almost ready to go when he got here. K’s brother picked the kids up at the hospital when we’d been there for about 30 minutes, and they stayed there overnight (so grateful for their help).  
And sure enough, I was dilated to a 3.5 and about 80% effaced, so my doc gave the go-ahead to admit me and get me started on the antibiotic I had to have for Group B Strep positive. By the time the 4 hours passed between the first and second dose in my IV, I had progressed to a 6 and even more effaced. The doc did an ultrasound, and she measured at 9 lbs 3 oz, which I skeptically figured was error on the ultrasound machine – it was a new one and the doc didn’t know how accurate it would be. I was hoping she would be minus a pound instead of plus a pound since he said it could go either way by a pound. Turns out it was pretty accurate.
Then he broke my water, and they started me on a small dose of pitocin. Up until this point, I hadn’t had any medication mostly due to my fear of the pain of an epidural. Over the next few hours I progressed steadily in dilating and in pain – doing my best to breathe through them and not freak out. The nurses, K, and the medical student that was observing for learning purposes helped a lot. By about 2 AM I was dilated to a 9 and almost completely effaced, but I hadn’t progressed to pushing and they couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t done yet. So they checked to see which way Darby was facing since sometimes a baby facing up when she should be facing down will slow things down for no apparent outward reason. Sure enough, she was “transverse”, or sideways – facing sort of forward toward my right hip. Putting me on my side didn’t make her turn and my pain level was pretty high, I was struggling more and more to breathe through. And it had been a long time. The nurses and med student were all very encouraging and impressed with my “control”, but by that time I felt like I was going to lose it.
So they (the nurses and doc) sang the praises of the anesthesiologist and I cried for an epidural. To my delight and relief, it was the least painful epidural I’ve ever received – VERY minor discomfort compared to the pain I’d been working through for the previous 9 hours. For the first time ever, I was given an epidural while laying on my side curled into a ball (as much of a ball as I could muster with my huge stomach and ongoing contractions). And the thing I felt the most was the electric shock down my right leg (top leg) into my foot. It was such a relief when the pain started to wain soon after. But D still wouldn’t turn. The doctor considered trying to turn her all the way forward – it would be harder to get her out but we wouldn’t have to go to a c-section. Then he decided he’d try and turn her while I pushed during my contractions. For the next 2 hours, every time I had a contraction, I’d push and the doc would reach in and turn D’s head just a little toward the back. It took 2 hours, but we got her all the way turned down like she should be. Never thought I’d have my legs up in the air for so long! I’m so grateful that those 2 hours didn’t hurt thanks to the epidural, just residual pain now in my arms and shoulders and neck from the strain of pushing.
I pushed her out at 4:15 AM on Wednesday, August 4th, her due date! They wisked her away to the baby table to suck out her airways first, but I got to hold her about 30 minutes later while they were still trying to get my placenta to come out. Which it did (thank goodness). I got to feed her, and then they had to check her blood sugars – apparently huge babies have a higher risk of low blood sugars. Her sugars weren’t quite high enough so they asked my permission to feed her a bottle (either that or an IV), and after she drank most of that her sugars were high enough, and stayed high enough for the rest of our hospital stay. I’m going to have my work cut out for me sustaining such a big girl!

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