June 30, 2008 at 9:34 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

So not too much damage. But I’ve got to regain my initiative and momentum now, because my body is sitting quite comfortably at this weight and it doesn’t seem to want to let go of any more. So hard workouts this week, eating better (after grocery shopping today), and another fast starting Wednesday night to Thursday night.


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Retaking Control

June 30, 2008 at 9:05 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I kind of gave up over the weekend. Still recovering from the cold – using it as an excuse a little. Haven’t worked out since last Monday. I’m going to weigh in a few minutes, and I’m kind of afraid to see what damage I’ve done. I’m fasting right now except for the chocolate milk I had last night around 9 PM. We ate dinner around 5:45, and I barely even noticed mine because I was so busy feeding K2 his dinner in between bites. But it was very good, since K made it.

Part of the reason I didn’t fast yesterday was because we had a “dinner” of dollar menu McD’s items at about 3:30 on Saturday, and not a very substantial dinner later that night to start a fast on. Also, K made a really good breakfast when  he got up at about 11 AM yesterday. So, no fast. We don’t have much food in the house, its sad really. We’re out of laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent and other things that I really depend on to keep our house running. K gets paid today, so I’m hoping we can go to Sam’s later today and get the things we need while still keeping some money left over for bills. Always an issue.

Yesterday afternoon, I rearranged (with K’s help) our living room, which other than the “dining room” where the table sits and the kitchen is our entire first floor. Our house isn’t very big. Anyway, I’m loving the new arrangement. Since we brought down a table from our bedroom that had our upstairs TV on it, we also had to rearrange our bedroom a little when K got home from work, and I’m loving that, too. It isn’t quite done, but it opens up the bedroom and makes it seem bigger, even though our small TV is now farther away up on our tall dresser.

All this makes me want to clean so that the whole house is nice and “new”. But I need to sit here and get some work done this morning. Established hours, remember? So after I get done writing this post, I’m going to buckle down. Its 9, and K2 is still asleep. So when he wakes up I’ll have to take a break for a few minutes, but I’m going to get work done.

I’ll post my weight in a bit.

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I hope this is PMS because I need it to go away

June 27, 2008 at 11:24 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I hate to blame anything on PMS – but hey, it happens. Last night: 2 butter/sugar bagels, a couple cookies, dinner of homemade shepherd’s pie. At the office, went and got a Starbucks parfait and a piece of coffee cake with a leftover gift card that I had. I really wanted Mrs. Field’s, which was farther down the street and I didn’t have a gift card. But I’m sure the Starbucks was just as much damage.

Today: 2 bagels, toasted. 1/2 of one with cream cheese, the rest with butter and sugar. Big glass of chocolate milk. About 5 small cookies.

Wow. Haven’t worked out since Monday night. Didn’t weigh this morning – I was dressed before I remembered. But even if I’d remembered I probably would have been scared to step on. A lot of this is product of feeling like I’ve derailed myself, and the cold. When I don’t feel good I look to food for comfort even more than I usually do.

Well, it will stop. I’m going to eat moderately for the rest of the day (lunch at the park with Mom and A and her kids), and tomorrow night I’ll start another fast. Monday will be AN per plan. I’m not going to start working out again until Monday – trying to let this cold run its course. Last night I went to bed at 10, earlier than I have gone to bed in weeks. Trying to get plenty of sleep.

I guess unless an illness makes my throat hurt and makes it actually painful to eat, most illnesses will have me running for the food to “feel” better. Good to know. 🙂 So I can watch out for it next time and not let it do so  much damage like today and yesterday. Will know how much damage tomorrow when I weigh in.

Doesn’t help that we don’t have any money and we need groceries – fresh food. We have canned and frozen stuff.

This is my first day of being online from 8:30 – 1:30. Mom and A will be here at about 12:30, so I can check email up until the time we leave for the park after we make sandwiches. I’ll turn my machine off before we leave so that when I get back I can do other things without the computer calling me with its siren call to come sit down and escape this life in cyberspace. Knowing that I have to turn it off has helped keep me a little more focused than normal this morning. Except for right now while I blog. 🙂

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June 26, 2008 at 11:00 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

Another short post since I’m at work again. Just got here, about to dive into more archiving. Weighed in at 230 this morning, then 230.5, then 229.5. I’m taking the third and running with it. And I think I might need a new scale. Or something. That third was after I’d eaten breakfast.

Fasted yesterday until dinner at Outback for Mom’s birthday. 60th. Wow. Had a salad with chicken salad on it. Then had key lime  pie. Only water and didn’t have much  bread due to a mix-up about which Outback location we were supposed to go to. Last night had 2 small cookies, a cup of chocolate milk, a Twix, and 1/3 of a king-size Snickers. Ate the rest last 1/5th this morning with breakfast. Not good, I know. All of that was unnecessary since I was quite satisfied from dinner. Oh, well. Its a new day.

Today is supposed to be AN. Won’t quite be since I brought noodle leftovers for lunch with my chicken and salad, and because of that bit of Snickers. But it should be a good day.

I didn’t work out last night for two reasons: 1) I left my TWO DVD in my computer at the office, and 2) I’m still sick. Going to take it easy for the next few days and just try to eat moderately while I kick this cold.

That’s it for today – gotta get to work!!

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Short and Sweet

June 25, 2008 at 1:56 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

This will be short – I’m at work and have lots to do today. Weighed in at 230.5 this morning. Weighed in an hour later at 229.5. I’m taking the 229.5 – so ha. But it just goes to show you how arbitrary your weight can be, not taking into account all the water, hormone fluctuation, muscle density, inches, food or water in your stomach, etc.

Told my bosses yesterday about my new working hours policy. Quite excited to implement starting Friday.

Fasting today. Going well, but it is interesting to fast while at the office; this is the first time for that. Have P’s cold – can’t breathe. Want to go home and go to bed. Might go to dinner with Mom and Dad and sister and her family tonight for Mom’s 60th birthday yesterday. Okay, gotta go.

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No interesting titles popping to mind

June 24, 2008 at 11:32 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

But the day is going okay, despite the lack of titles. I got up around 7:45 after my phone alarm went off at 7:30. About an hour earlier than I normally get up, but maybe that will get my into bed a little earlier and able to get to sleep.

Yesterday afternoon I decided to turn my computer off (I know, gasp!) and get something else done, since I was just sitting there not getting work done. I turned it off and went outside in the backyard to weed. Our backyard has gone from an oasis of grass and dark mulch  to a poopy, dead grass, weed jungle. It was overcast and kind of cool instead of blistering like it has been a lot so far this summer, and I took advantage of that to weed for about an hour and a half. I finished about 1/2 of the backyard and felt quite accomplished, if dirty. Also, all that bending over had my hamstrings quite sore this morning, which was a pleasant/unpleasant side-benefit. P “helped” a little. Mostly she just ran around and talked about nothing and asked me questions. Then, I came in and made a dinner for myself and P while P and K2 played on the kitchen floor with all of P’s plastic food items for her little toy kitchen. I made an egg/potato/zucchinni scramble for myself and a hot dog, carrots, and cheese for P. I tried to feed K2 some pees, carrots, and baby rice mixture, but he was having none of that once he caught sight of my plate. So he got some eggs and potatoes, too.

After I got the kids down last night, I almost convinced myself not to work out. But I squashed the voices that told me to sit down, relax, tomorrow is soon enough to be working out. Its not working anyway, etc. You know the voices. 🙂 Squashed ’em hard, and had a great workout. Got done around 10 and went upstairs to shower and wash the bathtub simultaneously. Then sat on my bed and watched one of my recorded shows before laying down to go to sleep. And still couldn’t get to sleep even though it was almost midnight. Oh, and before my shower, I weighed in at 230.5. A pound and a half less than yesterday morning. Weird. But just goes to show the voices to shut-up.

This morning, weighed in at 230. Got the kids up and ready and myself ready for work, and then woke K up so we could go to his sister’s for breakfast. Which was a smorgasbord of stuffed french toast, sausage, bacon, hashbrowns, scrambled eggs, and juice. Sheesh! I ate too much, but not too too much, if you know what I mean. And it was reeeaaally good.

So now I’m at the office, making this post before diving in and getting some serious work done. Just quickly, I’ve made a new resolution/goal to get up in the mornings, get some real work done – perhaps 3-4 hours worth, and then TURN MY COMPUTER OFF every day! So that I can have a life, get other things done. Be more than a one-dimensional martyr sitting at my computer while the world goes on around me without my participation. Tonight when I leave here, I’m going to leave my computer here since I’ll be coming back tomorrow and Thursday. So if I want to waste time on the computer tonight or tomorrow morning before I come in, I’ll have to turn on my big home-PC. I’ve made a list of all the things I should/could be doing while I’m not on the computer. Hobbies, housekeeping items, playing with the kids, yardwork, etc. I want to have a life – and working part-time I should be able to. I just need to learn how to not sit at the computer full-time when I’m only getting paid to do it part-time. So here’s to being more productive and happy! And managing my time a little better, even if I’m not an expert. Whoot!

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Downward Slope – Stopping right now

June 23, 2008 at 3:18 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I’m not going to wait until tomorrow to ‘start again’. I haven’t followed through in the last 2 or 3 days. On one side, it is pretty good that it took me three weeks to have a weekend that derailed me, when weekends are usually the bane of any dieter’s life.

I didn’t fast this weekend. I didn’t even start my fast last night instead of Saturday night like I said I would. Normally, this would be the sort of thing I wouldn’t blog about, being a little ashamed. But my life isn’t going to stop, and I’m trying to remember that my success in life isn’t only measured by my success in the weight loss arena.

K got up this morning with the kids after a weekend of getting a lot more sleep than he normally does. I struggled to ‘sleep’ in like I told him I wanted to. I finally fell back to sleep and slept until 11:30, then I got up and had a bagel and a half with cream cheese and a glass and a half of chocolate milk. I will work out tonight, but I think this means I’m only going to have one fast this week instead of just pushing back the Sunday one again. Because then I’d have to push back the Wednesday fast. And it would continue to be a cycle of pushing back. So I’m going to continue to eat normally today, which will hopefully mean a balanced dinner, and then start a fast Tuesday night.

I gave a lesson yesterday in church about having an eternal perspective. It has got me thinking a lot about the time I’m losing to this computer. Looking forward to quitting my job, but until that happens I feel like I need to make some changes. I think I’m going to start turning my computer off after I’m done working. That will require me to actually focus and do some work so that I can get my hours. Then, I need to do other things. Yardwork, playing with P and K2, housework, hobby work. I need to have a life other than housework, exercise, eating, and sitting here at the computer, “working”. Right now, that is all  my life is. I get through  one day, only to start another trying to ‘get through’. I don’t look forward to my days, I don’t feel productive or useful or like a good mom, wife, or home-maker. I just ‘get through’. And this is my only mortal probation, my only time to prove my worthiness to return to my Heavenly Father. And right now at least, I’m wasting it. Or not doing my best, if that’s a more gracious way to phrase it. This has nothing to do with how much weight I have to lose, what I’m doing to lose it, or how fast that’s going. It has to do with my life and how one-dimensional I’ve let it become.

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Delayed Fast again

June 22, 2008 at 1:06 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I should have no food intake to report, since I’m supposed to be fasting. But, I do. K was up again this morning to make a fabulous breakfast, and I caved and decided to start my fast tonight after dinner. So, I had pancakes, eggs, two pieces of bacon, and juice. It was really yummy. Now I’m getting ready to leave for church; K is staying home with the kids since P is still sick and I wouldn’t feel good about having her cough all over the other kids in Primary. But I have to teach my class so I’m going by myself.  I considered just going to the last hour of church when my class is, but I figure I can really use the spiritual uplift that I might be able to get if I’m there for all the lessons/talks without my kids and can actually listen. So I’ll leave in about 15 minutes. Amazing how much less time it takes to get ready when I’m not bugging K to wake up, getting P and K2 ready, getting a diaper bag ready, making sure the house is cleaned up so the dogs don’t get into anything they’re not supposed to, etc. I think it takes half the time.

I didn’t work out last night. I went back and forth so many times, and it basically came down to the fact that I put it off so long that it would have been almost 10 PM when I started and I just wasn’t willing to work out that late. So even though it is Sunday, I’m considering a workout tonight after the kids go to bed while K is out cleaning his one account tonight. In fact, I’m considering starting a 4 day bootcamp tonight of TWO. I’ll have to decide on that by the end of the day because I don’t want to decide to do it and then p00p out Tuesday night for my 3rd night after I go to the office for the afternoon.

Weighed in at 231.5 this morning. Not sure why since I didn’t really eat THAT much yesterday, but trying not to let it bother me. I just so badly want to continue losing and have my ‘program’ work for me since it is so doable and I’m liking it so much. Even though I didn’t work out Friday or Saturday, I did get in 4 workouts last week, so I feel good about that.

I’m feeling just a little discouraged today with how slow this really is. I have so much weight to lose and at this rate its going to take a LONG time. I was so excited with my quick number progress over the first couple of weeks that I got a little too confident and I started to expect that the numbers would continue to drop just as quickly. Not logical, and now I’m having to pull myself back to reality.

But it will still work. I know it will.

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Busy, Busy Bee

June 21, 2008 at 9:24 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

Today, I feel like I got a lot done, and yet not enough at the same time. I touched up the paint throughout my kitchen, put all the outlet covers back on, did a bunch of dishes, unloaded the dishwasher when they were done, loaded it again. I washed down the counters really well, and put almost everything away (our counters have been almost completely covered for a while with ‘stuff’ that doesn’t really have a home), swept the kitchen, washed the sliding glass doors inside and out, touched up the paint on a bunch of the baseboard corners where the dogs have scratched it off, or it has just come off from the crappy construction.

As a family, we went to see a bunch of house models this afternoon, one of P’s favorite activities. They were gorgeous homes, well beyond our financial capabilities right now. But its fun to dream, right? Then, we took a bunch of DVD’s that I had culled out of our collection to Entertainmart and sold them …. and got $87! I was pretty stoked about that. So, because we’re us, we immediately used half to go out to dinner at Red Robin. Which was yummy and a good way to start my fast, other than the malt I had. I had a chicken wrap with a cup of tortilla soup. It would have been a perfect portion without the malt, but with the malt I was overly full. We came home and K left for work soon after. K2 was really tired, so I put him to bed a little earlier than  usual and continued to work on getting the kitchen into a cleaner state than its seen in months, sat with P while she fell asleep in my arms, put her to bed, and then came back downstairs and finished the kitchen. Wow, it looks great if I do say so myself. Just having the outlet covers back on and the tape taken off the edges is a huge improvement. I TRIED to start caulking the edge of the counter where it comes up against the wall, but caulking is hard work! My hand was barely strong enough to squeeze out about a foot-long section and then I gave up. K is going to have to do it for me. I’ll do the smoothing and cleaning up if he’ll just squeeze out the stuff for me. Sheesh! Who knew?

So, to eat today, I’ve had pancakes (which K made – yay for having my husband up early enough to make breakfast!), ……. and I just realized that I hadn’t eaten again until we went to Red Robin. I was so focused on getting all that stuff done that I hadn’t stopped to eat all day! I did have a mini-Sierra Mist soda at one of the house models. Other than that, spinach tortilla chicken wrap, chicken tortilla soup, about 3 of K’s fries, and that malt were all I’ve had to eat today other than the pancakes. Hmmm. Interesting what being busy can do for your food intake, eh?

I’ve decided that my next big project (besides finishing the caulking), is going to be getting the outside yard (front and back) into tip-top shape. I think I’ll start Monday afternoon in the backyard, pulling the weeds after I call someone to come pick up all the dog-p00p back there. Cuz I really don’t want to work back there right now – it rained today, and with the warmth and the humidity when the ground is wet back there, it is BEYOND fragrant! Yuck! Plus, I don’t want to walk around worrying constantly if I’m about to step in something that isn’t dirt, or accidentally stick my hand in a p00p-fertilized weed. Fish, our newest dog, has done taken some nasty turns back there – eeww. Let’s leave it at that.

But getting the backyard back into good condition, trying to get the grass to come back, calling a landscaper to help us figure out why the programmer for our sprinkler system isn’t turning the water on from the console in the garage, putting breeze down where there used to be mulch. All these things will get it so that my dogs aren’t constantly coming into the house muddy, covered in what used to be mulch but is now just really big pieces of dark dirt, etc. It will  also make the backyard somewhere where I want to spend time, versus the eye sore that it currently is. Somewhere where I can send the kids to play – well, for that I have to get some kind of swing set or something for entertainment. Right now, all they can do is run around (has its merits), or play in the dirt (which they love, but I don’t).

Okay, now that some of that brain dump is over, it is 9:20 and I had myself pretty much convinced not to exercise. That I deserved a day off – but I didn’t work out yesterday because of our date and that K didn’t go to work when we got home like I expected him to  – so I really should work out now. Ugh. Don’t want to. Won’t do it tomorrow because its Sunday. Should do it tonight. I’m fasting, so I don’t need to eat. I could watch TV, but there’s nothing recorded that I’m dying to see. I could continue to work; I have clean clothes I need to fold and put away, I could mop the kitchen floor, or try my hand at caulking some more (NOT).

Well, the longer I sit here typing nonsensically, the later it will be that I get done working out. So I’m off to do a TWO. I think. I’ll tell you tomorrow if it actually happened. Oh, and I weighed in at 231.5 this morning. Which I’m hoping is just because of the big ‘date-meal’ last night.

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June 20, 2008 at 9:18 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

Fortunately, I’m not unmotivated about my program. What I am unmotivated about is my work. I don’t want to work!!!! !!!!! !!!! But I have some stuff I really need to get done today; one thing specifically.

K and I have an appointment this afternoon to see some kind of sales pitch in order to get some free plane tickets. I’m assuming its a time share or some such thing, but I’m only going for the plane tickets. I’m hoping we can use them for our trip to UT in October, or that I can use one to go to Phoenix in September. Then we’re going on a date tonight. I think I mentioned that yesterday, but I’m pretty excited about it. So there it is again.

Last night I did SATI after I put P and K2 to bed, a 20 minute walking workout. This morning, I weighed in at 230.5, and I think I’m going to have to take it. I don’t think I’ll go back upstairs now after having had breakfast and weigh in half a pound lighter. I guess I’m okay with my body wanting to stabilize at this weight before it drops more, but it is kind of discouraging to drop so fast and then stop so soon. But I know it happens to a lot of people, so I’m just going to stick with it. Last night at about 10:30, I had an altercation with a bowl of Rice Chex. So I wasn’t really expecting to see a loss this morning, although there’s always hope there. 🙂

Today is AN until tonight. Oatmeal concoction for brekkie. Probably a salad of some sort for lunch. Okay, I’m going to try for some work. Wish me luck. 

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