I’m overweight, not stupid

September 30, 2008 at 3:54 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

So I had a doctor’s appointment today. It went fine, the lady doctor did nothing to say or imply that I was stupid except for one little thing. But really, duh! She asked if there were any health concerns that I was worried about (I think looking for large ailments like a chronic headache or heart palpitations or something). I said that I didn’t have any, except that I was overweight. She kind of nodded her head and started to say, “But that’s a … concern? big one? ” I’m not sure what word she used but she basically implied that its a concern whether I think it is or not. But didn’t me mentioning it mean that I knew it was a concern?

Anyway, she doesn’t know my history. Today was the first time I’d met her. She doesn’t know I came in 3 years ago for Meridia and then only took it for a couple weeks becuase I didn’t think it worked and it made my heart feel crazy. She doesn’t know that after being largely (no pun intended) sedentary for 4 years, I started exercising regularly again in January of this year and have been pretty steady since then. She doesn’t know I weighed 278 when I gave birth to my son and that weighing 229 now is at least some loss. Whatever she knows or doesn’t know, no one is more aware than I am of how my weight can and will affect me.

She said that since I’m pregnant we can’t test for cholesterol levels because they’ll show up a lot higher than if I wasn’t pregnant. So basically, I should do that after I have the baby to check it. For now, she had me give blood to check my thyroid to make sure it is operating correctly for the pregnancy. I thought a thyroid that was off prevented pregnancy? Anyway.

I weighed in at 229 this morning and at the doctor’s office. The last few days I’ve been overeating EVERY time I eat a meal. The weird thing about this is I haven’t been eating more than I normally do, but I’ve been feeling overfull to the point of feeling sick for HOURS after every meal. So basically, my body is asking for me to feed it LESS and probably higher quality. I had the idea last night to divide any meal I am thinking to eat in half and eat one half of what I normally would, then stop for at least 5 minutes to let my brain find out if I’m full. Then I can save or throw out the rest (hopefully save) when my brain realizes my stomach is full instead of wolfing it all down and only then realizing that I’m going to be REALLY uncomfortable for hours. So now I just need to implement the idea. I had lunch around 11:45 today and it is now 3:50 and I still feel slightly sick from eating too much. The weird thing is I had a chicken sandwich, fries, and a shake from McDonald’s (I know, not good nutritionally) which wouldn’t have been too much for me even 3 weeks ago, but today as I said, I’m feeling sick and overfull 4 hours later. My body is saying something and I need to start listening.

I’m planning on either a walk with the kids or a 15 minute workout tonight. We’ll see which ends up taking place – kind of depends on P and if she asks to take a walk and then insists. Because that option is definitely more work for me with having to load K2 and her up in the stroller, take a key to the front door, etc.

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A little bit down – a lot more to go

September 29, 2008 at 2:16 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

Like I said, I’m just taking it an hour at a time. I did my workout this morning – K2 was happy through almost all of it and only started to fuss as I finished up. But I had paused it a couple times to give him fresh toys. So that is done and out of the way.

I’m at work. I finished the document I had to get done before 2:30, and now I’m kind of at odds wondering what to start next while I wait for my conference call at 3:30.

K got paid, but not for both months as we hoped, so that is a fresh worry. We are going to come in over the 1000 exemption and we’ll owe the trustee money. But I’m still quitting and we’re going to be fine. I have to believe that. So for now, we got paid, and it will be enough for paying back K’s stepfather the money we owe him, paying our employees, our mortgage and a couple bills, and funny money for our trip. Probably not much else, which sucks since it was supposed to be enough extra for us to buy our hard-wood flooring for the house.

The lawyer called me with some last questions and I have three pieces of information I have to email her which require a little research on my part. But I will send it all to her no later than tomorrow, because I vow not to be the hold-up in the nonsense. We’re shooting for filing Tuesday, October 7th.

Tonight I can focus on laundry and making sure our clothes are clean for the trip since I’m done working out. I will also make a list tonight of stuff we need to take.

227.5 this morning. Down a pound and a half from yesterday. Oh, and I did workout on Saturday but I’ve been eating like a pig all weekend even though I don’t always want to. So ridiculous. And it has to stop. When I get back from Utah, I’m establishing 3 All-Natural days a week, maybe 4. Also haven’t made that obgyn appointment yet. I’m 8 weeks along, I figure it can wait until I get back from Utah and face the rest of the month.

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Feeling Frantic

September 29, 2008 at 8:41 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

Maybe frantic is an exaggeration, but maybe its not. There is just so much going on in the next 3 days before we leave for Utah for a long weekend. Today, P has school. When we pick her up K will take me to work and go to the Jan-Pro office to meet with the main guy to see if we can get paid for everything a month in advance. I got an email this morning that makes it look like we might not be able to because of all the advances K has been asking for recently, which will SUCK. So I’m worried about that. I’ll be at the office all afternoon. Then, tomorrow I have to drop P off at school and go straight to my doctor’s appointment, where they’ll have to take blood to do the bloodwork for my physical. Then home, work, go with K to get his paycheck, cash it, deposit some of it, pick up MK catalogs from my director’s house. And we’ll have cousin A tomorrow, so all of this with 3 kids in the car.

Wednesday, I have to be at the office at 10 and I’ll be there all day. Then, there is a team dinner at Phantom Canyon on Wednesday evening at 5:30, so I’ll be going to that. When I get home, I’ll have to pack and get me and the two kids all ready to leave Thursday morning at 9 AM for Utah.

This might not sound like much to some people, but I’m feeling overwhelmed by it all. I guess all I can do is take it a few hours at a time, right? It won’t be that bad. I’m going to try and fit in my workout this morning before I pick P up and go to the office so I don’t have to do it tonight. Because tonight I need to focus on washing clothes and making sure everything we need to take it clean. But K2 isn’t up yet. Thinking I’ll put on my shoes and start my workout and wait until he makes noise before I go get him. Maybe then I can finish my workout before he gets fussy after his bottle. I already have the bottle made and waiting for him.

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September 26, 2008 at 9:39 am (Uncategorized)

228 this morning. I hope that is real weight gain, but just that I didn’t drink enough water at the office yesterday. I didn’t have a lot of chocolate, I had one fruit snacks and other than that I only had the meeting lunch, which was a sandwich, chips, and cookies, and water. But not enough water.

At home last night, I had mashed potatoes and meat loaf that my neighbor gave us because she’d made two. She’s been really stressed lately and apparently cooks a lot when she’s stressed. We had green beans with it as well as the potatoes. All I had after that was two Tootsie Pops and a piece of toast with butter and peanut butter. I’m craving that again today, but we don’t have any bread. I need to make some.

Today, I’ve had a bowl of cold cereal. I’m getting hungry already and it is only 9:40. But since I ate my breakfast earlier than usual almost 2 hours ago, and it wasn’t oatmeal like usual, I’m not surprised I’m getting hungry.

Planning on a full workout today, probably this afternoon after K gets up and I’m done working. I’m actually doing work this morning! I made a list yesterday of things I need to wrap up before I quit, and I’m determined to actually DO the things on the list instead of just putting them off.

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September 25, 2008 at 8:39 am (Uncategorized)

227 this morning. Took P to school, now need to get ready. Thinking about doing a 15 minute workout now upstairs before I shower, but that will only work if K2 and A stay happy downstairs for that long. Yup, A is here today, for I think the only time this week. I don’t know if her mom, my SIL, has realized that it is a lot to ask us to watch her a lot of days since I am watching my two AND working, or if she just deep down knows I don’t particularly like her daughter. Either way, she’s been trying to only give her to us a little.

Going to work today. NOT looking forward to it. Counting down the days until we get to leave for Utah next week, and counting down the days after that until I get to quit. It just can’t come soon enough for me.

Worked out hard yesterday afternoon and went for a walk with the kids last night after dinner. But I ate way too much yesterday – even when I didn’t particularly want to. Because I always want to eat, so I convince myself I want to, but yesterday I didn’t. I had ice cream and a bowl of cereal mid-afternoon that I didn’t really want. Overate at dinner. Had ice cream and a popsicle that made me feel sick late evening while watching TV, and then had about 6 tootsie roll candies that I didn’t really want. Stupid.

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All Motivation Gone

September 24, 2008 at 11:03 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

Short-timers is getting me really badly. On our missions, we used to call this feeling “trunky”. Basically, I can see the end and I JUST DON’T CARE about my job anymore. I’m sitting here at my dining room table where I’ve been sitting since about 8:00 this morning, in front of my laptop, cruising the internet, watching email, and generally being useless. Each issue that comes up with work, I find myself thinking THIS DOESN’T MATTER! Which is an attitude I really need to shake or postpone for at least a few more weeks. The end is in sight, though, and I can’t seem to stop looking at it.

Going to work out tonight or this afternoon, whichever seems to work. Been thinking about my water intake lately, and that it hasn’t been enough. I’ve been drinking about 32 ounces a day, which is only about 4 glasses. Not enough. So today, I’ve started with a freshly washed nalgene-type bottle filled with 32 ounces, and I plan on filling it and drinking it again before the day is out. Anything over 2 full bottles is good, but I need a minimum of 2 for my 64 ounces. That should be my bare minimum.

I seem to get legitimately hungry pretty quickly these days; this has happened during my other pregnancies, too. So I’m trying to eat good things when I get hungry instead of grabbing what is easiest. Today, I’ve had my oatmeal (I was SO hungry I almost didn’t want to take the time to make it), and an apple with some natural chunky peanut butter. And now I’m hungry again. It is almost 11, so I guess it is reasonable to have lunch soon. But geez, being hungry all the time is not an easy way to eat reasonably. And mexican food sounds good ALL the time.

227.5 this morning, which I’m guessing is me not working out taking its toll, or the fact that I didn’t get enough water yesterday. Anyway, trying to keep it at or around 226 for now, so we’ll see what it is tomorrow if I remember to weigh.

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Insurance sucks – but so does working

September 23, 2008 at 4:41 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I’m at the office, so I probably shouldn’t be sitting here writing a post with that title, but that’s my title and I’m sticking to it. 🙂

I called Aetna yesterday to see how much continuing my same coverage would cost me if I was not employed with my current employer…. drumroll please. Over $1,200 a month!! Crazy, but about what I was expecting. Well, I guessed around 900, so I was a little on the generous side. Insurance is just ridiculous. The only way to get good coverage is to work for the ‘man’.

Anyway, looks like I’ll be becoming a homeopathic, holistic mom. Which could be cool, I guess, as long as I keep shaving under my arms and occasionally my legs. And keep plucking my eyebrows – not a requirement for all moms, but for me it is. It also looks like my kids are going to have to start going to a different doctor, one that will give me an Ameriplan discount. More research for me, yay!! Because I’m not going to go to some seedy dump just to be able to afford it. I’d rather go into debt for medical help than endanger my children by taking them to see a doctor that isn’t fully qualified. And it is too bad, because although I barely know MY physician in the same building, I REALLY like the kids’ pediatrician. She’s young (but not too young), enthusiastic, obviously loves kids, and is really sincere and helpful.

P had her first field trip with school today to a local fire station. She seemed to thoroughly enjoy herself, and when I picked her up and she was waiting for me to sign her out I saw her actually TALKING to some other little girls. And when I told her to say bye to her friends, she actually SAID bye!! It was awesome to see her opening up like that.

I looked for the books the midwife recommended to me at the library in the community center with P’s school, but they didn’t have them. They didn’t even have any books on the subject of homebirth that I could find. My SILs told me that if I put in a request they are very good at finding the books and having them sent in for a temporary assignment of sorts. So I’m going to try that when I pick up P from school on Thursday; I’m sure she’ll love getting to stick around a little longer and not go home. Since that is her main complaint EVERY time I pick her up: “I don’t waaannna go home!”

I’m going to make an appointment next week to go see the clinic that has gotten me through my miscarriage and two births and get checked out for this pregnancy. Especially since I never went in for a 6 week check up after I had K2 almost a year ago. Yikes. I’m going to ask them to give me a list of fees, or something to give me an idea of what it will cost me to have a baby while seeing them if I’m paying out of pocket with no insurance. I think the astronomical-ness of it will once again send me the way of midwives and home births. So again, on the research. Also researching to see if any obgyns in Colorado Springs take the Ameriplan discount. And aren’t seedy. Seedy is a definite disqualifier.

226 this morning. Haven’t worked out this week. Thinking I’ll start up tomorrow or tonight – the cough is still pretty bad but it has to start getting better soon, right? Knock on some wood?

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Manic Monday, wish it was Sunday

September 22, 2008 at 9:34 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

Well, I don’t really wish it was Sunday, but I don’t wish it was Monday either.

The weekend was quiet, noneventful. Friday night, my mom and dad came down and went for a walk with the kids and I, which was nice. We walked for a while and then stopped at the park, where my dad helped me push the kids on the swings, and where he actually climbed up the slide to slide down it with K2. After we got back to the house, my dad and I took a quick drive to the store to get some ice cream, which we all enjoyed together while we chatted. They left around 7:50 and put K2 down right after that and P soon after that.

Saturday dawned too early for me. Some laundry, some dishes – those were the only chores I got done. P and I went to Chickfila for lunch, where I got into a religious discussion with a stranger sitting at the next table that I just happened to overhear saying some extremely untrue stuff about Mormons. It was very surreal. Normally, I would just get silently indignant. I must be getting bold in my old age. I just couldn’t hear those things and not say something about how untrue they were. How were those poor people to know a Mormon was going to be sitting at th next table having a Saturday lunch with her daughter? Anyway, I hope they don’t remember me as psycho. I tried to be nice and sincere and answer their questions as well as I could without giving them hours and hours of discourse.

That afternoon, not much happened. K went to the store and got some staples and some stuff for him to make hamburgers for dinner. I went and rented a couple of movies around 7, one of which I haven’t even watched yet.

Sunday, I made K get up with the kids and I tried to get back to sleep through the coughing. I finally got back to sleep and slept until about 11:20, got up and watched football all afternoon with K while P played with her play-doh ‘ice cream’ set. The football was sometimes entertaining, but boy did the day go slowly. I didn’t go to church because of my cold and the coughing that has gotten pretty bad. K didn’t go because he has tweaked is neck so badly he can barely move. I’m pretty sure working last night was agony for him. Last night, I watched Army Wives and Four Brothers, both on the DVR so I didn’t watch commercials. K got home and we went to bed, but I decided I wanted to take a shower before trying to sleep since I’d grubbed it all day. I didn’t really get to sleep until well after midnight, and I woke many times for the coughing.

P is at school this morning. K2 is up and about and will either go down for a nap right before or right after I go pick her up. I’m supposed to be ‘working’ this morning. Less than a month until I give notice. I can’t wait. I’m really not sure what I’m going to do with myself with all that time, but I hope to fill it productively.

226.5 this morning. Didn’t work out this weekend as I’d intended because of the coughing. I was hoping I’d be well enough today to work out, but the coughing gets a lot worse when I exert myself. Perhaps I’ll do just a 15 minute workout.

I started emailing some midwives that I found online for Colorado Springs. The second one emailed me back this morning, the other emailed me Friday. The one I got this morning recommended that I start with a lot of reading and she recommended some books and one video. I think she’s right, so maybe I’ll go to the library this afternoon and see if I can find the ones she recommended. The branch of my library closest is not big, so they might not have it. Actually, maybe I’ll take P to the library in her preschool building and get a card there. That might be easier, as long as K2 goes down before I leave.

I think I’m going to call Aetna today and find out how much it would cost us to continue my coverage. I’m sure it will be at least 900 a month or so. Then I think I should make an appointment at my regular Obgyn and ask them how much their services actually are and how much it takes to have the baby in the hospital. I think it would be over 10000, while a midwife will cost around 3000. A big savings. But I’m still terrified to do this thing at home. I guess I have about 7 more months to figure it out.

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Cold, Friday, and food

September 19, 2008 at 10:23 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I have a cold. I think it is the same cold that my sister had, that both my children are recovering from as well. I keep thinking it has peeked and is going to get better, and then it seems worse again. K2’s cold has been going for about a week, and he’s still stuffed up. He hasn’t coughed a lot yet, but that could still be coming. Mine seems to be a mix of sore throat, congestion, and annoying tickles in the throat that make me cough. P has coughed quite a bit, but mostly at night and if she runs around. She seems to be over the congested part of the cold for the most part. I just hope that my husband doesn’t catch it, since he works 7 days a week.

20 work days until I give my notice. Then 10 work days after that until I’m happily unemployed. That doesn’t count weekends, but I thought I’d just count days that I have to deal with work. To say I’m excited is to seriously understate my anticipation.

But, it is Friday. So that means holding on for a couple more hours (and trying to actually get something done) and then there are 2 days during which I don’t have to deal with this computer, if I discipline myself and actually turn it off.

Tonight, it seems like it is going to be a normal, at-home, Friday night. So I invited my mom to possibly come down and walk with us after dinner. If it is nice. I need to call her and work out some details, but I thought it would be nice to take the walk with P and K2 and another adult as well. I also need to drive over to the lawyer’s office and give them a copy of our franchise agreement so they can figure out how to list our business and its value without harming our cause in the bankruptcy.

Tomorrow there isn’t anything going on to my knowledge. Which is actually dangerous because those seem to be the days I get nothing done and eat way too much. I’ve been seriously considering a AN-MM schedule to curb my eating during this pregnancy. I haven’t mentally committed to it yet, though. Last night was a good example of stupid eating – I didn’t feel very good. I think it was some pregnancy nausea. Well, I tried to eat it away. Started with a popsicle, which actually tasted good and maybe helped a little. But then I had some fruit snacks and a granola bar – that I didn’t even really want and didn’t taste good!! Why don’t I just NOT eat when I feel like that? Not everything needs to be fixed with food.

Anyway, today I had cold cereal for breakfast, which I don’t normally do. I had 2 small bowls, and the second one made me feel slightly too full and ill. I’ll probably be hungry soon; hopefully, I’ll eat something good for me that tastes good and doesn’t make me feel yucky. I think I found out I was pregnant so early this time that the 1st trimester symptoms are just barely starting to kick in. And this cold is probably not helping. I can only imagine that the nausea will get at least a little worse before it gets better, and then the heartburn will probably start.

Okay, I’ve rambled on long enough without really even saying anything. 227 this morning.

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Progress Pictures coming and measurements

September 18, 2008 at 2:11 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I realized last night that with my daughter’s birthday, all the appointments and things going on last week, and finding out I am pregnant, I never did my measurements on September 6th like I should have. So I did them this morning, even though I can tell I’m already starting to poof a little in the abdominal area. I gained in a couple places from August 6th, but surprisingly I lost in my hips, as well. A lot of areas remained the same. I’ve been reading Fit and Fabulous in 15 Minutes by Teresa Tapp and it talks a lot about what kind of results I could get from Tapping. I was starting to get a bit discouraged thinking that it hasn’t been a dramatic thing since I started tapping regularly mid-May. But then I also realized that I still have lost inches and I feel a lot stronger. I don’t know if I’m creating a stronger muscle connection around my spine or if I’m building muscle from the inside out, but the workout keeps getting harder and I think my form gets better all the time, so I hope that is what I’m doing.

I’m trying to remember that I am recovering from almost 5 years of muscle atrophy through disuse (with a few sporadic exercise attempts – one that lasted almost a year). I’m not going to recover all my muscle or tone in 3 months. So I’m going to keep at it, and read the book, and hope that I can find more things to concentrate on with my form so that I get more and more out of the workout. And continue to gain muscle and get stronger to have this baby.

226 this morning. Worked out before went to work, so tonight I can focus on taking a walk with the kids and giving them baths. P had her third day of school today and still LOVES it.

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