Halloween’s gonna suck this year

October 28, 2008 at 10:49 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I scheduled the D&C. I asked for ‘as soon as possible’ and I got Friday morning at 7:30. My last day of work. Halloween. The day work is supposed be giving me a luncheon as a going away. A Friday morning, right before my first unemployed weekend. I want to be celebrating – and I feel like crap. I probably won’t get to see my daughter trick or treat, nor will I get to go to the ward party (party and trunk or treat in parking lot). I don’t know if I’ll feel up to dressing her up (she’s going to be a pirate), or if K will have to di it on his own. I was going to dress up K2, also, as a spider, but I don’t know if K can handle both the kids at the trunk or treat by himself, or if its worth it since K2 won’t understand what’s going on anyway. People have offered to take P to it if K has to stay with me. This just all sucks.

K came with me with all three kids to the doctors appointment. Little good it did to have him there but make me frazzled because of the kids. The appt took longer than I expected it to. First another internal ultrasound, then a lot of waiting. Anyway, without going into unimportant details, I decided to schedule it, and cancel it if I change my mind. The doctor didn’t like hearing that because if I cancel it messes with his schedule, other appointments, the hospital’s … I don’t know, paperwork? I’m not really worried about any of that, though I will try not to change my mind at the last minute. He was very nice, but I still won’t be going back there for my next pregnancy, uninsured and hoping to do it more naturally. If I have another pregnancy.

I have to go to work today. I’m dreading it because I haven’t been in a week, a lot of people there know what is going on, and I just don’t want to deal with it or them. But I have 4 more days of work before I’m unemployed, and I can’t hole up here and not get my hours in, especially since physically, I feel fine.

226.5 this morning.

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Not much to say

October 27, 2008 at 9:42 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

To anyone. Last night, my SIL called to make sure we were still able to watch her daughter today. I haven’t talked to her in ages, and usually we have a lot to chat about. I enjoy having conversations with her, and she was in a talkative mood. But I wasn’t. I tried not to let it show, but I just didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Not my kids, not my husband, not my friends, not her. No one.

My main dillemma right now is when/if to schedule a D&C. If I don’t do it this week, I can’t do it. My insurance won’t last past my last day. So I have until Friday. Which sucks, because it will take me out of commission for at least 2 days, days I should be working as this is my last week. I’m just not sure what to do. Hoping that going to the doctor’s today will help me decide. Since we have my niece, I’m not sure if K is going to be able to go with me as I’d hoped. He’ll support me in whatever I decide, but its still nice to have him there.

226.5 this morning. Yesterday, K got up at noon and then left at 3 to go work, which meant he started getting ready when he’d been up for only 2 hours. So once again, I was left to figure out what to feed the kids from our drastically empty cupboards, take care of them all afternoon (K was gone before K2 even got up from his nap), and put them to bed. Now, I almost always put them to bed by myself, its the dinner by myself that I object to. He’s got a new account in Pueblo and soon will have a new account in Canon City. I just don’t agree that this is a smart way to grow our business – spreading it out over 3 cities.

Have to go get P from school in about 1 hr 20 min. Then its just waiting for my doctor’s appointment. I should be working, but I have nothing to do really that can be done from here. Maybe I’ll email my coworkers and see if there’s something they want me to work on today before time’s up.

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Nothing, and more nothing

October 26, 2008 at 10:20 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

That is both what is happening with my body, and also what I’ve been accomplishing. I did a batch of dishes on Friday because we had absolutely no clean dishes. I unloaded the dishwasher gradually yesterday and eventually got it empty, but the pile of dishes is just as high again and I haven’t done them. Friday, I got soem errands run, in an effort to make the day go faster. I took P and went to the bank, then the other bank, then to the high school up on the AFA to deliver some Mary Kay, then to my director’s house to pick up some Mary Kay, then to the post office to mail some Mary Kay. Then home. It felt good to get something done and be out of the house.

Then, yesterday I relapsed. I stayed in sweats, no bra, no washing of the face or brushing of the face until about 8:00 at night. I read my book and watched TV while trying to keep the children fed and relatively entertained. But I did no housework, I didn’t leave the house. K was gone from 7 am until 9 pm at a softball tournament in Denver. It just happens to suck that he is always part of the winning team and doesn’t get sent home until the end. When he got home, I’d just put K2 to bed after giving him and P a bath, and P was in our bed. I did brush my teeth and put on a bra then, to go to Borders and spend money we can’t afford to spend on a couple books I want to read. I told myself I deserved it, and spent the money. I looked like a WNTW disaster, even had a couple food spots on my sweats and sweatshirt. Awful.

Last night I took a shower before going to bed – I just felt too gross. Today, the kids let me sleep in until shortly after 9, which was a blessing. We’ve had oatmeal, and now P is watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, though I usually try to limit her TV watching on Sundays. I’ve decided not to go to church today, though I’ll be sad to miss M’s 2nd lesson as well as her first. I’ll have to email her and say sorry for not being there. I really want to see her teach, but the 4th Sunday seems to be a bad one for me. Last month I was sick, now I’m miscarrying. I hope K goes, because I don’t like for P to miss a Sunday. But I doubt he’ll want to take both of them by himself, so hopefully K2 will sleep a lot while they’re gone.

This week I have to decide if I want to get a D&C. I found out that my benefits are done on the last day of work, so that is this Friday. If I want the D&C, I’ll have to get it this week or not at all, because I won’t be covered. I don’t want to schedule it for Friday, because that’s the day they’ll be having an appreciation and going away lunch for me at work.

226 this morning. In trying to see the silver lining of not having a baby growing inside me, I’ve tried to look at this as an opportunity to lose more weight and get healthier before I have another pregnancy. Goal would be to not be ‘obese’ by the time I get pregnant again. I haven’t been working out this past couple weeks with all this happening with my body and being so exhausted, but after this is over I’ll start right back up again. I’m not going to let my newly renewed exercise habit fall by the wayside after 10 months of hard work to get it back. So the only problem really left is my eating habits. Which have gotten kind of crazy again. But I haven’t resolved on a method yet, so I’ll have to keep you posted. I’d rather be pregnant and have another child for our family in May, but if I can’t, I might as well prepare.

I did get a hold of my mom on Skype in Japan on Friday night (her Saturday morning). It was good to talk to her, if weird to do it on a computer while I could see her but she couldn’t see me (they have a camera, I just have a microphone built into my laptop). We spoke again last night on her Sunday afternoon and my 10:30 pm after I got back from the bookstore. She suggested I might want to go to church to get out of the house, but I just don’t want to talk to people that are sympathetic and wanting to help and there’s nothing they can do. Nothing. Though I might ask for someone to bring a couple meals on the day of and day after I have the D&C (if I have it).

If anyone is reading – here are my options that I’ve done before for controlling my food intake:

GodMade-ManMade way of eating
Sparkpeople.com-calorie counting/monitoring
Weight Watchers (not sure I can afford this)
Intermittent fasting (I don’t know if this method was working for my particular metabolism, I don’t think it was hurting me, but I don’t think it was teaching me any control, and I think I was yo-yoing in a minor way)
Meal replacement shakes (I don’t know what kind)

So, if anyone has the time or inclination – any suggestions?

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Crying makes me tired

October 23, 2008 at 10:26 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I cried a lot yesterday. I went to the doctor in the afternoon and when I got there they’d been trying to reach me to cancel and reschedule because the doctor I’d been scheduled to see had to go to the hospital for an emergency c-section. I was fine with that – it wasn’t their fault I hadn’t given them my new phone number – but when I asked if there was just someone that could see if the baby had a heartbeat, I fell apart. Embarassing at best, especially since they didn’t have anyone there that could do it. So I left, still crying, and called K as I sat in the car trying to calm down and told him what had happened – or not happened. Then I drove home, getting some gas on the way, and as I pulled into the driveway the clinic called me. The doctor was on his way back from the hospital and could see me if I came back. So I went inside, said hi to K and got a really good hug, and then headed back to the clinic.

I waited in the little room with my pants off for 20 minutes, but I didn’t care because I was just relieved that I was going to find out if what I thought was happening was really happening. That I wasn’t going to have to wait another day, speculating, worrying, hoping I was wrong. He finally came in and was very nice and sympathetic. I told him my worries and symptoms and he did an internal ultrasound. Sure enough, the baby measured at 7.5 weeks instead of the 11.5 weeks that he/she should have, and the baby had no heartbeat. So my last glimmer of hope that I had it wrong flew out the window. I cried. After getting dressed and talking to him some more about how miscarriages can take weeks and we can do a follow-up appointment on Monday and then talk more about whether I want a D&C or not – I cried some more. Then I cried some more in the car, and went to get some junk food from a drive through. I went home and ate it, and cried some more. Then I started calling a few people that I felt needed or wanted to know, and the crying subsided. I was very matter-of-fact. I emailed some people at work to tell them what was happening and that though it isn’t convenient, I’m taking a couple days off. I hope they’re not pissed, but what are they going to do, fire me?

So I’ve told pretty much everyone that knew I was pregnant to begin with, but I still haven’t been able to get a hold of my mom who is visiting my brother in Japan with my dad. I really want to talk to my mom, is that lame? I’ve tried skype to try and call my brother’s computer, I’ve tried their cells, I’ve tried emailing my dad’s email account which he should be getting on his mega-phone gadget. Nothing yet. I don’t want to ruin their vacation, I just want to talk to my mom. But perhaps it is selfish to want to burden her with this while she’s in another country that she’s never been to, and I should just wait until she gets back in the end of October. We’ll see.

I didn’t weigh in this morning because I almost didn’t get up to take P to school, but then I remembered I was in charge of bringing the snack today. So I got up, got her up and ready, and took her, and then went to get the snack and take it to drop it off at her class. Now I’m sitting here at my work computer even though I’m not working. Sad, I should turn it off. But I don’t know what kinds of emails I’m going to get, so I’ll probably leave it on and try to stay off of it a little. 

I haven’t cried yet today. But its only 10:30 – give me some time.

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Over-reacting? I don’t think so.

October 22, 2008 at 9:54 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I’m marginally sure I’m miscarrying. I’ve been having pinkish discharge for about a day now, and I’ve felt weird for a few more days. When I say weird, I mean that I feel like something is wrong, that I don’t “feel” pregnant, that this feels like my symptoms of slight nausea if I get hungry and escalating heartburn have subsided if they were ever there at all – and that’s what happened when I miscarried 2 years ago. I was hoping I was over-reacting yesterday, but then this morning I woke up with more blood. Now it is dark brown, but I’ve had to use a pad and I have menstrual-type cramps that kind of come and go. So now I can’t stay in denial – there is something up. I have little hope that this is just a “different” pregnancy.

What’s extra-weird about this is I don’t feel like I can or should fall apart. I’m sad. But I don’t really have time to be sad. This morning I had to find out why we can’t use or debit cards and why I can’t log into my bank account online. I had to find out if I can cancel my direct deposit in case our bank is swallowing our funds. Today, I have to watch my two kids and my niece, and hopefully get some work done. I should do housework and work out, but I’m not going to require either of those things from myself. Its not up to me whether or not this baby is still alive. I’m not going to say that I’m becoming an expert at giving my problems and griefs over to the Lord and letting him help me carry them, but in this I feel it is up to him. If we’re supposed to have another baby, we will. And despite my sadness that the time isn’t now, I’m sure he knows what’s best. I can’t blame myself – I don’t know of anything I could have done or not done that would cause this. So it is just part of the Lord’s plan for me and our family.

Another feeling I have is a little fear. Since I am having cramps this time (I didn’t have any cramps with my last miscarriage and had to have a D&C) I’m assuming my body is being more proactive. So my question to myself is – how bad will the cramps get? Will it be almost as bad as labor? Will it hurt that bad? Will I know it is happening and have to lay down? Will I be okay? Able to handle it? How long will it take?

Normally, as soon as I knew for sure what is happening, I’d take the 3 bereavement days off of work. But since I only have a week and a half left that seems kind of pointless. But I guess if the pain gets bad, that will be the only way to get my hours? I just don’t know.

K has an appointment in Canon City this morning, but is going to try and be back for me to go to my doctor’s appointment at 2:45. Yesterday, I had my intake appointment – where my urine said I was pregnant so they took my blood. I made the pregnancy check up appointment for the next day (today) because I already felt something was up and I’d like to have someone tell me if I’m right – if there’s no heartbeat and my body is miscarrying. If K doesn’t get back in time, I’ll have to reschedule, which means at least one more day if not more that I won’t know unless my body makes it irrefutable.

Okay, enough about that. 227 this morning, which makes sense if there is nothing growing inside me. I haven’t worked out in a week, something I’ll have to rectify soon. But not today.

I keep telling myself that this is a small trial compared to what some women go through. My neighbor is suffering a lot more than me right now. Her DH is in the war, she found out she has 2 ulcers, and now she has found out she has stage 3 cancer. I can’t even begin to understand what she’s going through. So my trials come into some perspective.

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I did it!!!

October 20, 2008 at 3:02 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

After 4 years of wanting to quit, I finally did it!!! I just finished giving my notice to my official supervisor, and then my real supervisor. It got emotional a little both times, but I managed to control myself. They were both “excited” for me and happy that I could make this change that they’ve known I’ve wanted. But sad to see me go. Now I’m sitting here at my desk at the office on a day I’m usually at home, and I don’t know what to do with myself. So anticlimactic! I have 2 more weeks to actually work, and I’m not sure what to do. Stupid to have been so blinded by the giving notice that I didn’t think about what to do directly AFTER I gave the notice.

Slept in until 10 this morning after making K get up to get P ready for school. I’ve had a headache since last night, and since it is gone now I’m assuming it was a tension headache about giving notice and how nervous I was. I weighed in when I got up, and wasn’t surprised to see 225 since I’d been hungry since I first woke up with the headache at 6:30. So weigh in was good today, but I’m sure I’ve put a pound or two on since I had breakfast (a tuna toast sandwich with our last piece of cheese). K went and got some groceries and I ate some yogurt before I left the house. And I’ve had 4 fun-size Twixes since I got here.

I’m not sure what to do with myself. I feel like I don’t know where to start. L, my supervisor, is going to send out an office-wide email telling everyone I’m quitting, which is a relief because it will save people from finding out in a trickle-down manner – that could be tiring and take a while. I’d much rather everyone just knew, and not necessarily from me.

Tomorrow, I have a doctor’s appointment for my pregnancy. I think I’m at about 11 weeks, and I have a feeling I might not make it to full-term. I don’t know why I feel this way, but it just seems like I should have heartburn, nausea, SOMETHING to make me feel like I’m pregnant. And I don’t. We’ll just have to see; maybe they can hear the heartbeat tomorrow at the doc’s and I’ll feel more at ease then.

Well, not much else to say. My big news for today is over and done with. I feel exhausted, like I could sleep for a week. But I have two more weeks to work until my life of bon-bons and lazing around starts. 🙂

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Almost Monday

October 19, 2008 at 11:50 am (Uncategorized)

It is Sunday. Its been a good Sunday so far – I got to sleep in until about 10, which was awesome considering K2 was up during the night around 2:30 until after 3, and P came in the room around 6 wanting to get in bed with us. I told her no and took her back to her bed and she wasn’t very happy about that, but she just hogs too much room in our king size bed!! K2 is still asleep and it is 11:30 am. He got to bed around 10:00 because our ‘sitters’ last night didn’t think he was fussy so he didn’t need to go to bed. Anyway, sleeping in was nice. P and I had some berry oatmeal and I finished preparing my lesson for Relief Society today. And now I’m writing a post. I’ll need to go get ready for church in about 30 minutes or so, but for now, it is a relaxing morning.

Yesterday was our 5-year wedding anniversary. I tried to make myself do some chores during the day, but I’m so consumed mentally with my last two weeks of work, and my nerves about giving notice, that I had a hard time really buckling down. I did manage to do the dishes, mop the kitchen floor (which it desperately needed), and vacuum the living room. The only other thing I managed was getting ready for our date. K had his two nieces (13 and 11) come over to babysit, and we went off to PF Changs for dinner and then the Hollywood movie theater going toward Monument for a movie. Dinner was very pleasant, even if my dessert was disappointing. I had chicken w/ black bean sauce and brocolli, and K had mongolian beef. We had some crab wontons, which were very good, and K had some egg drop soup as a post-appetizer. Then we headed for the movie theater where we saw Eagle Eye. The movie was quite good. I was a little annoyed with one of the nieces who kept texting us to ask if we were going to be there soon. We’d told them about 10, but she just kept texting that she didn’t feel good, etc. Next time, I’m going to ask that the older niece come alone, and we’ll actually pay her. Because it was extremely annoying to get 5 texts during the movie, none of which were important but we had to check because what if something were wrong with the kids? And then to get back and find out that neither of the kids had been put to bed even though it was almost 10. What’s the point of giving a sitter instructions if they don’t get followed? Barring some catastrophe, I never would have done that in my babysitting days (short-lived because I don’t like other people’s children and never have).

Okay, getting off the soap-box. It was a lovely evening, our first date in months, probably since K’s birthday in April when we just went to dinner. We haven’t gone to a movie together in …. over a year? Two years? Its been a while. I think we definitely need to go on more dates, though we’ll have to imaginitive to figure out ways to do it cheaply. Maybe more time spent together would help my ‘hormonal’ levels if you get my drift, since they are less than zero and have been for a while.

Friday I didn’t work out. And I didn’t yesterday. 227 this morning. And I didn’t buy groceries and post-date, we’re out of money. So it is pretty easy to not eat much around here right now, what with the lack of food. 🙂 We do have food to keep our kids alive – but it isn’t food that appeals to me. I get paid again this coming Thursday, so hopefully we can wisely use that check to get groceries and pay some bills, all of which we’re behind on.

And tomorrow I give my notice.

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Friday fatigue

October 17, 2008 at 11:04 am (Uncategorized)

I can’t decide if my fatigue today is from the lack of exercise the last two days or the late nights. Or the pregnancy, or the mental fatigue of being so nervous about quitting on Monday.

A couple of interesting things – 1) for the past few days I’ve had a bit of the runs. Usually only once a day, but very loose, which isn’t normal for me especially when I’m pregnant. I’m wondering if it is a lymphatic flushing because I’ve also been skin brushing for the past few days. I think I’ve brushed for the past 4 days or so. I wish I could know if these two things were related. I’d rather be a little too regular than my pregnancy norm, which is some major constip3tion that infl3mes my hem2rrhoid (sp?). (Don’t want people searching for that stuff and coming up with my blog.)

2) I haven’t worked out for two days now. I’ve been so tired! And I weighed in at 226.5 this morning. I don’t want the fact that I haven’t gained (lost a little) make me complacent. Because complacency during my other pregnancies is what led to my large weight gains and muscle atropy through inactivity. I am not going to let that happen this time. I honestly don’t know if I’m going to work out today, but I have a feeling that it won’t happen if I don’t do it this afternoon while K2 is asleep and after K wakes up, because tonight I have to take a meal to someone (last night I was thinking it was Friday) and I’m sure I’ll be tired and just wanting to relax after the kids go to bed.

3) I’ve had way too much sugar/candy/pie, etc. in the last 3 days. After our lawyer appointment on Wednesday, K stopped at the dollar store and got some chewable Lemonheads and Sweettarts. I’ve eaten these things mostly at night and by the large handful. I think I had about 4 handfuls last night. This morning, I had a small bowl of cold cereal for breakfast, which used the last of our milk. And the only other thing I’ve eaten is a small spoonful of natural crunchy peanut butter dipped in semi-sweet chocolate chips. Hello, not a nutritionally sound snack. And my pb is almost gone. We need groceries, but not snack items. We need some fresh fruit, some fresh veggies, some healthy options. So that if I decided to do an all-natural day, we’d have stuff for me to eat. Let me see if I can make a list of the items I’d like to get:

carrots / broccolli / cauliflower / zucchinni or squash / / cheese including some lowfat string cheese / milk including some whole milk for K2 since I ran out of formula today / flavored yogurt (no vanilla) / grape nuts / cottage cheese /  there’s a lot of dairy on this list, huh? I need to think about this some more.

Well, I better go get K2 ready for his nap and put together my MK orders to perhaps take one to someone so that she can take it to another lady that is visiting from UT so that I don’t have to ship it.

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Thursday – time is crawling

October 16, 2008 at 4:50 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I’m so nervous/excited about Monday that it feels like it is taking forever to get here. But I need to focus on something else, because I just remembered that I’m supposed to teach Relief Society this Sunday and I haven’t even read my lesson yet!

Today, P and I went with her school class (and the other classes) to Venetucci Ranch. I’ve only been there one time one evening when K and I were first married or dating and that was just to the ranch house to meet Bambi before she moved to an assisted living house. So I’d never “experienced” the ranch. It was pretty fun; I was bored but glad the kids were enjoying it so much. 🙂 They got to pick pumpkins out of the big field – had to be a pumpkin they could carry themselves, which wasn’t hard since there were mostly small ones. P got a green and orange one that is a little smaller than her head. Probably weighs 3 or 4 pounds. Then, we all traipsed over to see the chickens where one of the volunteers was going into the coop to check for eggs. So we watched him find 5 eggs, and the kids got to throw some bread crumbs into the fenced chicken area. Next we plodded over to the huge pen where the massive pig, Harley, was laying down. He weighs roughly 500 pounds and was taller than all the kids, with coarse red hair, and as a few kids pointed out, “he sure does got a big butt!” He stood up while they were all crushed up against the fence and scared P so bad she refused to go back to stand against the measly fence. He was harmless and loved to let the kids touch and scratch him but was a little to far in for most of them to reach him. Bean shucking and then the worm bin followed. P actually abandoned me and went all the way around the pile of bean plants to ask Mrs. W to help her find a pod with some beans in it. I was so proud of her for asserting herself, since I apparently wasn’t helpful enough. 🙂 She wasn’t very interested in the worm bin at all, which I can understand. Last on the list was the baby horse that was big enough the kids didn’t think she was a baby. She was 5 months old and P was excited to see her, but didn’t want to try and feed her or touch her. I think she was mentally done with all the newness by this point. We got back on the bus and headed for the school, where we got some cookies and then headed home. I’m glad I went and I hope P always wants me around like that. I didn’t take any pictures since we don’t have a good camera right now and I forgot my phone, but I have some memories in my head and hopefully writing it down will help me recall them in years to come.

When we got home, I packed up my computer and came to the office. I’ll leave to go home in a few minutes. I’ve been busy, but got done what I needed to. So nervous about Monday.

Weighed in at 227 this morning, luckily. I couldn’t make myself work out last night – K2 woke up from his nap really late which meant he went down later than usual and I was so tired by that time that I’d talked myself out of a workout, even a 15 minute one. So I’m hoping to get in a full workout tonight instead of my usual 15 minuter on Thursdays. We’ll see. I think I was so tired last night from the mental let-down of FINALLY having FILED for bankruptcy. It was kind of anticlimactic, but hey, it is finally, finally, finally done. After a year, literally, of stressing, paying, thinking, worrying.

Okay, I guess it is time to pack up my computer and go home. This is the last time I’ll be here before everyone knows I’m quitting. Oh, the anticipation!!!

Mom and Dad are on a plane to Japan today. I hope they have a blast over there visiting my brother and SIL and their kids, and that they take lots of pictures. I’d love to go over there – what an adventure. Probably pretty difficult with 2 kids, but I think it would be worth it if we could afford it.

OMGosh- I just remembered I have to take someone a meal tonight. Better get out of here!!!!

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Losing all interest

October 15, 2008 at 10:07 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I know I need to continue to perform at my job right up until they’re not paying me anymore. But I’ve totally lost interest in everything going on there, everything I’m supposed to do. For example, there is a revised deliverable that is supposed to go out on Friday (preferably Thursday). I am going to go into the office tomorrow afternoon after P’s field trip to Venetucci Ranch (pumpkins), but I’ve told them I’ll be later than usual. I probably won’t get there until about 1:30, which only leaves me 3.5 hours before K will have to be picking me up so he can go to work. They’ll have to work on the deliverable before I get there, or it won’t get done in time, and I can’t (read “won’t”) come in Friday, too. Then Monday, everyone will know. I’m so nervous, but I keep telling myself like a mantra, there will never be a good time, there will never be a good time. Meaning, there’s never going to be such a cessation of work that it won’t bother them that I’m leaving, that it won’t cause an inconvenience to figure out who is going to do my duties. Now really isn’t a good time for them, but there will never be a good time. Its only going to get busier, so now is as good as ever.

227 again this morning. Did BWO+ last night using the beginning of Tempo2. For a 16 minute workout, I sure did sweat a lot. I think it would be interesting to strap myself into some running shoes and a good sports bra and see how my running ability has suffered/improved while I’ve been doing all this T-Tapp. Maybe I’ll try that sometime soon, like maybe my first day of no work. Its going to be so weird!! Not to have this laptop, not to have anyone to report to, not to have anything to be responsible for except my family and myself. Also, not going to have a paycheck. 🙂 Phew.

I think we’re filing today. No more on that for now; don’t want to jinx it.

Last night, I also managed to get myself out of the downstairs before I ate too much. I had two small bowls of yogurt (by small, I mean these little dessert bowls we have that hold 8 oz if you fill them to the brim) w/ some chocolate powder. I had almost convinced myself to have some cold cereal after that, but when I got up to get the cold cereal, I redirected myself at the stairs and stayed upstairs watching TV in bed until I turned it off to go to sleep about 11.

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