Dark Monday morning – But Sunny Inside

March 30, 2009 at 10:00 am (Daily Workouts/Eats, General Life Updates)

It was hard to wake up this morning after a week of sleeping in – especially when I saw the overcast sky and snow coming down. But I got up and took P to school while Aunt M stayed here at the house with K2 so she could use the truck when I got back. Getting back to routine is good, even if my sleeping in is over. 🙂

Had a nice dinner at Mom’s last night. Since I didn’t have a real breakfast, I had plenty of calories left at the end of the day. Which ended in me having a small Reeses pb egg at Mom’s house, about 85 calories. I also had a clementine. She had other things that would have been full of sugar and fun to eat, but I decided I didn’t like any of them enough to waste calories on them – they would have just been filler. So I had the clementine and the pb egg and we came home. Then I had a pudding for 100 calories – I wanted another. I wanted to eat. A lot. But I restrained myself, had 6 grapes, logged them, and it was 9 PM so I stopped eating. Go me!! I don’t know where this determination and motivation is coming from. The LIFE Diet should be attributed with getting me started and giving me quick enough results to snowball me. Showing me how to make some changes – adding lots of veggies and fruits and unprocessed foods. But I’m not really following the LIFE diet completely anymore. I’m still eating 3 meals a day with 1 or 2 snacks if I need them, I’m drastically limiting the starch I have with my dinner – 1/2 cup of a healthy starch, or no starch at all. I’m working out 6 days a week. I had K inflate my exercise ball so that I could do a bigger variety of bodyweight exercises with my cardio.

I’d say I don’t know why I waited so long to do this, but I do know why. I felt overwhelmed, incapable, weak, addicted to sugar. I didn’t know where to start to make changes, and I felt like if I just made small changes they wouldn’t make a difference, so why bother. I was exercising, but I was eating so much it wasn’t making a difference in my weight or muscle tone. I was frustrated, but almost resigned to never being able to lose the extra 70 or so pounds I’m packing around. Now I’ve only been doing this plan of weight loss for 4 weeks, but I still feel good, still motivated, and I’m still excited. I imagine there will be times that I don’t want to think about it anymore, but for now it entertains me to put my food into sparkpeople and see how many calories I’ve ingested. Restraining myself makes me feel like I’m controlling my body, not the other way around. I’m liking this, and I’m so glad Mom suggested the LIFE Diet and bought me the book, because if she hadn’t I’d probably still be “researching” stuff and I wouldn’t have committed to just making changes and DOING it. My hope and goal would be to plan for when I’m going to indulge, so that I don’t go back to feeling guilty and uncontrolled, but realistically I assume there will be some unplanned for slip-up. And again, my goal is to step over the slip-up, acknowledge it, not feel guilty about it, and get right back on track. The not feeling guilty is key, because I think guilt is such a crippling emotion when it comes to dieting and weight loss. The feelings of hopelessness and despair are never far behind the guilt, so I’m going to try to not even start that cycle. Life will happen, that doesn’t mean I have to jump back to the road of eating unhealthily and gaining weight and feeling tired and sluggish all the time.

The rest of today will consist of some cleaning that I didn’t do on Friday and today’s cleaning items. That will be vaccuming upstairs, washing the master bathroom sink area, dusting downstairs, and washing one bathtub. K has to go get his paycheck today, so I’m hoping he can take P with him and I can clean in peace. I also need to vaccum downstairs – that isn’t on the schedule for today, but it needs to be done and I don’t think it can wait until Thursday (vaccuming downstairs day) since we’re leaving Thurs afternoon for Utah. I want to make a list of the things to pack for Utah. Also like to take a crack at making a dinner menu for the family now that I’m starting to get the hang of my diet so that I can start feeding my husband better – he’s suffered a little this last month with me not making dinners in time for him to eat before he leaves for work, and the few times I have they haven’t necessarily tasted good. But he’s trying to be supportive so he hasn’t said much. Such a great man. So I’ll make a dinner menu for tonight and the next two nights and then perhaps take my calendar with me and make the 2 weeks for when we get back in the car. It’ll be something to do on the drive.

Oh, also going to stop at the library either before I get P or after and check out some of the books on my list (hopefully!).

Then, tonight will be dinner, play with the kids (going to keep the TV off after dinner and just play – even if I’m bored), bedtimes, dishes, workout (going to be a good one with my exercise ball!), shower, scriptures, bed. I get sick of my routines sometimes, but then I take a break for a couple days (weekend), and it feels good to get back to it.

Well, this is long and rambling. Will sign off now and get to work!

PS – 213.5 this morning – but not worried about it the .5 up.

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