Waited Too Long, Again

November 21, 2014 at 3:59 pm (Uncategorized)

Man oh man do I suck at keeping a journal. I haven’t even touched this in over a year. Again. Seems to be a regular thing with me. Appears we will have to hit the highlights (or lowlights as the case may be) with bullets again. If I manage to come back more regularly I can give a more detailed, life-insightful entry.

1) In October of 2013, I got licensed to teach Zumba. This was a huge deal for me, and so outside my comfort zone its not even funny. The day of the licensing session was amazing, overwhelming and intimidating all at once. Getting up on that stage to do impromptu Zumba moves was NOT one of my favorite parts. But watching the instructor and her talent was. Hearing her insights and absorbing as much as I could has helped me to give good advice to my students, though I’ve learned so much since I started teaching. I did it predominantly so that I could teach here in town on Wednesday nights. Our teacher (my friend, Rebecca) had taken a position at a gym in Greeley on Wednesday nights that was supposed to be temporary over the summer, but turned permanent. I missed most of the Wednesday classes over the summer with her sub due to traveling and the miscarriage in August, but when the school year started and the sub couldn’t continue, and Rebecca’s position turned permanent, we stopped having classes here on Wednesdays. At the time, the class was really small, but those of us still attending didn’t like only having one class per week. From everyone’s encouragement, and knowing I had a position tailor-made for me, I did it, with intentions to only ever teach that one class Wednesday nights. I didn’t ever anticipate where its taken me. But I’ll get to that. I started teaching the Wednesday night class November 4, 2013. I was terrified. But it went well and over the past year I’ve learned a lot and gotten a lot more confident.

2) October 18, 2013 was our 10 year anniversary. We went to Steamboat Springs for 3 days and it was marvelous. We went hiking (in the snow, but it was still gorgeous), we went to Strawberry Park to the hot springs, where I lost my courage to stay after dark for the “clothing optional” time period. But we still loved it. It was so HOT in that water! Amazing nature. We took walks through town and day dreamed out loud about our plans and our past. We bought souvenirs and ate at the small local restaurants. It was a lovely break from our every day lives, and I can’t wait to do something like that again for the “big” years (maybe 15). So grateful to my mother for staying with the kids and taking care of everything here.

3) Halloween 2013 was the typical nonsense. I will never enjoy this “holiday”. The kids looked awesome. Looking through my pictures from that time period, for some reason they don’t have dates attached to the files. Argh! So if it isn’t obvious what was going on, there’s no way to tell when it actually happened. But the holiday pictures are pretty obvious. K got to trick-or-treat with us that year, and we hit our neighborhood and the other one here in town touted as “the” place to trick-or-treat. It was mayhem and they acquired way more candy than I would ever let them eat.

4) Honestly can’t even remember much about Christmas of 2013. And as I’ve done some photo and Facebook research for this post, I realized why. I was sick. I got horribly sick with the flu on Christmas Eve. We were at home, and I believe my parents were going to come up for the afternoon/evening. But they didn’t because I wasn’t the only one sick (the kids were getting over it). We had a gorgeous tree and we decorated the whole living room with lights and the nativity and stockings. We had homemade pizza for Christmas Eve dinner (a tradition I wanted to start, but hello, work for me). I’m surprised I managed it since Christmas Eve is when my fever started.

5) The beginning of 2014 was inauspicious. I don’t remember much about it. Only that it immediately started passing really fast. I was trying to get flyers out for our Zumba class to try and build it back up. The kids were doing school, and D was growing up. All the usual stuff. Oh, yeah, and in the beginning of January we took a fabulous trip to Pagosa Springs with my parents, my brother and his family. We got to see a whole bunch of cool stuff, hike in the snow, and go skiing courtesy of my brother, for two days. Oh my goodness P and K2 and I had a blast skiing. I hadn’t skied in 10 years, and I was scared but it was awesome. I’m so glad I let my bro convince me to try.

6) In February I turned 38. Whoa. We went out to dinner at Pinocchio’s (with the kids) and I wore my new boots with leggings in public, not dancing, for the first time. P got her ears pierced in March after passing off all the Articles of Faith at church and to her dad and taking a couple weeks to work up her courage. She was very diligent about following the after-care rules and keeping them clean. She didn’t get one infection in all the 6 weeks before she could switch them out. That’s her style, though.

7) In May I got hired to teach at Aims College in Greeley. The interview process was nerve-wracking, requiring an audition of sorts. I didn’t find out till afterward that I was their only candidate. 🙂 I was to teach Tuesday and Thursday nights through the summer term (2 months) for an hour and a half. I was super excited to be a “professor” at a college. 🙂 But as May progressed not enough people registered for the class (or other PE classes) and many (including mine) had to be cancelled. I found out mine was going to be cancelled right at the end of May, right before I had another miscarriage.

8) In the last week of May, I found out I was miscarrying another pregnancy. That makes 3 since D was born. Once, again, my body handled it. But I was, once again, devastated. We had gone in to have an actual check-up and then they took blood tests and a few days later I knew my pregnancy hormone levels were going down instead of up like they should  have been. Then it was just a waiting game to see if my body was going to handle business, or if I was going to have to have another surgery.

9) Not to skip past such a big event, but in that same week, we were moving into our new house. One block away. We were so excited to be moving. We got a great deal on the new rental, actually like the owners, and couldn’t wait to get out of the house we were in. The gross carpet, the flooding basement, the small kitchen, the funky smell. The new place was actually new. A house about as old, but completely renovated. New (refurbished, but still nice) everything. New floors, new paint, even new covers for the heat vents. New shower, new tile. Cupboards and appliances refurbished but still really nice. More space. Huge backyard (no grass back there yet). During the last week of May, K was working so I was packing up box after box, loading the Suburban up, and driving down the street around the corner to unload it into the new place, since it was empty and we’d already paid our deposit. I lifted as heavy and as much as I could, morbidly trying to get my body to actually finish the job of finishing the pregnancy that wasn’t going anywhere. I was so sad. So angry. SO ANGRY. That whole week. If I hadn’t had moving to occupy my time and thoughts, I don’t know where that week would’ve taken me. June 1st was a Saturday, and our official move-in date. That afternoon, after working with my great helpers all day getting the rest of the household moved, I started to have cramps. The pain got pretty bad late that afternoon, but to distract me my friend Kristy stayed over way longer than she had to, helping my unpack the majority of the kitchen, her husband coming in the evening to move the last 2 big pieces of furniture right around the time K got home from work for his days off. I was so sad, in pain, so angry, but I was so grateful for their help.

The next morning I didn’t go to church. I sat in my new living room in the sunshine in the cleanliness (surround by boxes) and cried. That afternoon the cramps worsened and I passed the majority of what I had to. It hurt. Bad. I cried. A lot. And this time, I stayed angrier than I ever have been before.

10) Over the next couple weeks as I recovered and unpacked and settled in (again, a good distraction), and as the kids finished school, the anger subsided. I signed the kids up for swimming lessons, and June 17th, I applied for another Zumba instructor position. I had heard they’d lost their instructor and was hoping to take over their Saturday morning class. But after applying, it sounded like they were interested in switching their M, W class to Tu and Th evenings, which meant I could teach those, too. It looked good, but I tried not to get my hopes up too much. I really feel like getting back to teaching and going to Zumba as soon as I was physically capable after the miscarriage helped me to recover mentally, emotionally, and physically faster than ever before.

11) I got the job. She didn’t even post the position because she was so excited about how I’d applied for it just from word of mouth before it was even public and for my enthusiasm. We agreed I’d start classes the last week of July, because we had a couple trips in the beginning of July and also I had girls camp with the YW in our ward in the 3rd week of July. Yes, I’d been called a few months before as Assistant Ward Camp Director. I was very excited about the new job, teaching 2 nights a week with the potential for a Saturday morning class in the fall. I was NOT excited about camp.

I missed some summer activities because of my distraction getting us settled in and recovering from the miscarriage. But I was proud of whatever I got done and tried to not be too hard on myself. And begged the childrens’ forgiveness when I forgot important stuff that they wanted to do.

12) Don’t remember 4th of July.

13) July 18 I went to Fitness on the Rocks with the friend that hired me at my new position and one of the other instructors. We had such as good time! Got lots of freebies and samples, did work outs on the bleachers and in the Zumba pit and did a great cross fit workout. Got more samples. Had great talk and got to know each other a little. It was very fun! I’m gonna go next year too. I had already dropped off the kids at my mom’s for the week of girl’s camp, so that night after I got back and showered I was free to just hang out solo, but a friend posted on FB that she wanted to do something so we went out to dinner and a movie (Hobbit 2). Good times! That friend has since moved away, so it was the last time we got to hang out.

14) Monday we left for camp. I drove a full Suburban of girls, and pulling a trailer. It was a fun drive, listening to music and singing. The camp site was beautiful. And we settled in for the dreaded week of camping, unplugged since I had no signal at all. It went well. Got to know some of the girls, went on a couple “hikes” (really slow walks, on a road), did some crafts, had some good food. Ate too much candy to pass the time. Slept HORRIBLY. Had some wonderful conversations with the other leaders, and learned some sign language from one of the leaders, who was deaf. Had some wonderful laughs, some annoying drama, and some trauma from those porta-potties that got so gross by the end of the week. All in all, I got through it none the worse for wear. But man was that shower great when I got home. I spend that night at home alone and drove down the next day after church to get the kids from Mom’s.

15) The next Tuesday I started teaching at my new job. Not a big turn-out, but its since gotten bigger and I’ve gained some confidence from the new challenge. I was so nervous that first night! Heck, that first month! Its getting easier. We started Saturday morning classes October 11, and that’s going well, also. Though it does put a damper on taking off for the weekend if we want to.

16) August, September, and October passed quickly. D’s 4th birthday, then P’s 10th birthday right after school started, then K2’s 7th in the beginning of October. In August I started Toning Tuesday back up. Its finally started to pick up this month (November). I’ve regretted it multiple times, but I think its a good thing over all. The kids didn’t have birthday parties, but they got to choose their birthday meal, and there was usually at least one b-day dinner at a restaurant. Uncle M sent $50 gift cards to Target so they had fun spending those. D started preschool in the end of August. She loves it, but unfortunately its a paid spot, so she only goes 3 days a week instead of 4. She’s learning a lot. Its only 2.5 hours, so I don’t ever manage to get much done while she’s gone. Next year with full day kindergarten is going to be so weird.

17) In early September we went to visit Uncle M in Arizona. It was a great 4 days! We saw so many great sights and had such a great time as a family. Grand Canyon, the Canyon where the natives lived on the cliffs, the native ruins, the gorgeous desert, and had a blast at the Safari park where we saw such magnificent animals like lions, tigers, bears, zebras, rhinos, giraffes, hyenas, etc. And got to hold a massive python that could have swallowed K2 whole. K2 all but laid down and cuddled up with the thing. So glad we got to see Uncle M and spend some quality time with him. While we were there, lizard-chasing was the main attraction for K2. He caught horny toad, but due to our lack of prep for keeping him, we convinced K2 to let him go. But only by promising he could have TWO for his birthday back at home. Said TWO are now in his room in a terrarium. One is hibernating under the sand (haven’t seen her in 3 weeks), or dead. The other one is sleeping more and more and might still hibernate. The kids change their names so much I have no idea what the current names are. Lizzy and Lark I think.

18) Mid-October, K made the agonized-over decision to return to BH to pump cement. They had called a couple months before to beg him to come back. I’ve never seen him so torn about a change in career before. He changed his mind like 4 times, along with quitting and un-quitting twice. And ever since he returned its been one big ego stroke for him. It makes me happy that they appear to be valuing him like he should be for his excellent work. The switch was kinda stressful as it caused a paycheck lag. But he’s getting good hours and really enjoying the work much more than he enjoyed the rig work as a floor hand.

19)  That brings us about to present times. We are still trying to figure out Thanksgiving plans for next week, but we’ll probably end up down the Springs for part of the week since K is off Tues-Thur. Christmas will be here at home with K probably working, and going to spend the 4 days afterward with my family. Two of my brothers are coming in to town for the weekend after Christmas. We are going to go skiing again! So excited about that. Probably Monday or Tuesday after Christmas. K won’t go, but he’s willing to take D in sled while he uses the new snow shoes he’s going to buy for himself. He just has no interest in ever trying out skiing. Weird.

Phew. Goal. Do this at least once a month, girl!!