Sunday, lone-parenting

February 13, 2011 at 11:16 pm (Uncategorized)

Today was a good day. The morning was pretty lazy, slowly getting myself and the kids ready for church. Which, somehow, we were still barely on time to. Don’t know how I manage to be almost-late for 1:30 church when I spend almost all day “getting ready”. Now, don’t be fooled into thinking that means I spend lots of time on myself. No, I take a nice shower, I do shave my legs. I even moisturize. Shaving and moisturizing are two things I pretty much only do on Sundays. šŸ™‚ I put makeup on, another rare thing. But I put my hair in a ponytail – no matter how I try I can’t make my wavy hair look like anything but a broom-head when I leave it down and put product in it. And I’m way too lazy to straighten it. So, ponytail. The kids had their baths last night, except for D who got hers today. We had breakfast and lunch (lunch was basically popcorn for the kids – I am trying to get by on what we have before the move Wednesday, and I have to save the last couple of pieces of bread for P’s lunches. Later, I realized I should have warmed up a can of chicken noodle soup. Duh). We watched a little Netflix. We got ready. I did P’s hair up really cute to go with her new Costco spring colors dress. I really want to get K2 some cute church clothes next. He kind of gets by on his nicest normal clothes, not that he cares.

Anyway, when we got home I dove right into dinner, which was super-easy but yummy. We had minute-brown-rice, black beans from a can (seasoned), cheese, and steamed brocolli. Pretty healthy and rice and beans is one of my favorite foods. And the kids like it. Win-win. Even if he hadn’t liked it, K2 was aiming to earn his lollipop that he got at church which he had stored in the fridge of all places. He’d been told if he ate all his dinner he could have it. And eat he did.

P gave a talk in Primary today, which she delivered very quietly, and only a couple of hiccups when she lost her place in her self-written paragraphs. Despite the lack of volume, she displayed almost no nerves and I didn’t even have to get up there with her. She was AWESOME! I was so proud of her I could have burst. I wish K could have been there. But she is keeping her talk paper in order to deliver her talk to her daddy when she sees him Tuesday night.

After dinner I juggled taking care of D with some baking. I had 6 over-ripe bananas, so I made a big batch of banana bread, using the recipe from the bread machine and then baking them in loaves in the oven instead since it was a double batch. I almost burned out the motor in my little hand-mixer, poor thing. I froze one of the loaves for a fun treat another time. They turned out pretty good. I also made a batch of no-bake cookies, which I am going to try not to eat too many of.

After my baking spurt, it was time for bedtime for the kids and then D. And I’ve just been relaxing since then.

I got an email from a blogger that I follow, which was fun. Usually I wouldn’t mention it, but something she said mirrrored something my dad said to me a couple weeks ago and I felt like I wanted to write it down for myself.

I was talking to my dad about my lack of exercise and eating right over the past few stressful months, and he said that it was understandable with how stressful my life has been that my taking-care-of-myself habits have kind of fallen by the wayside. This blogger that emailed me said something similar, though they both (she and my dad) put it more eloquently than that. My fancy words are failing me tonight. Anyway, it is interesting that they should say that. As I’m going through all this (moving at 8 months pregnant, having 3rd baby, moving again, husband getting new job, getting ready for foreclosure, finding a place to rent, and now moving again), I realize I’m stressed. I understand that this isn’t exactly normal life, and that I have reason to BE stressed. But I think one of the things that causes me the most upset during it all is how much I beat myself up for all that I’m NOT doing. Because honestly, I feel like I have to learn to take care of myself REGARDLESS of the stress-factor in my life, and I feel pathetic that I can’t manage it. And the only reason I say this is because our life for the past 4 YEARS feels like its been one upheaval after another, with brief stints of normalcy that I should never take for granted. Because who knows when it will end. And I can’t count on anything ever settling down. Yes, I hope that this move will see us settled in for a while, with a job that PAYS THE BILLS. But I feel afraid to count on it. And if I can’t take care of myself now, what if life never smooths out for us? Will I ever be able to take care of myself? Will I put it off or excuse myself for the rest of my life – ‘when we get settled in, I’ll be able to establish a rhythm and some better habits. Make some changes.’ What if we never “settle in”? How long will I put it off and excuse myself because my life is stressful and its “understandable”?

I don’t want o diminish how much the words of my dad and my friend-blogger meant to me. Because when they said/wrote those things to me, a huge weight momentarily, briefly, lifted off of me and I felt vindicated. Or at least less guilty and self-deriding. But then after a while, the weight comes back. Because if I can excuse my HORRIBLE eating habits to myself with that excuse, who knows how long I’ll be able to use it? And the lack of exercise? Who knows how big I’ll get before I kick myself in the pants and stop using the “your-life-is-one-big-upheaval-after-another” justification?

I think this maybe doesn’t make sense, and since I’d only planned to write about the day, it was a bit of surprise. But I’ll leave it. And perhaps re-visit it all later when I’ve thought it through enough to be more eloquent.

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