Power Struggle

August 7, 2010 at 7:33 pm (General Life Updates)

This is the part I find most stressful about having a new baby. The fact that I don’t know her yet and it is always a toss-up whether anything I try is going to work.

Right now, D is having a problem differentiating eating time from sleeping time. She can be wide awake, happy or pissed, and as soon as she latches on (and I try not to pass out from the pain), she goes to sleep. She sleeps through eating, then she sleeps through burping. Then she sleeps through eating on the other side. Then she’s done eating and I try to put her in her bassinett, and she wakes up and cries. It is vexing to the extreme. I have no idea how I’m going to get ANYTHING done when K goes back to work. Like, take a shower. Make dinner.

I know in my mind that these problems will iron out as she adjusts to being here, and we adjust to her. And as she gets older and I figure out what she needs and when. But, for now, it feels like this is just going to be impossible. I look at her and see how beautiful she is, and I love her. But, as usual, I’m starting to feel overwhelmed with the idea of every-day living. In a couple weeks, P starts school. And twice a day, I’m going to have to load all three of them up to take her to school and to go get her. Regardless of feeding schedule or if she’s napping, I’m going to have to disturb her and leave the house, rain or shine, snow or sleet. And there’s no garage here, just three flights of stairs and a parking lot. And an H3 that barely fits her carseat in between the other two, without the base so we have to use the seat belt each time. I’m basically going to have to climb in with the kids to get them all strapped in.

My mom will be here on the 12th for a week. That will be nice. K goes back to work the afternoon of the 10th after her new-patient visit with the pediatrician’s office that I picked (because its at the hospital and convenient). I’ll have two days with no adult help and then Mom will be a lifesaver I’m sure for the time that she’s here. And then I’m on my own. I hope by then I’ve got it a little more figured out than I do now.

On the up-side, I do kind of know what I’m doing this time as far as diapers, feeding (the pain WILL get better), sleeping when I can. Dressing her is not scary. I haven’t bathed her yet, since her cord hasn’t fallen off yet. But I probably will give her a little sponge bath tomorrow. I’m not bleeding too badly, I look forward to that stopping hopefully soon.

I have swollen up, strangely enough. I didn’t swell at all through the whole pregnancy, and then the afternoon I get home from the hospital, my ankles and hands ballooned and haven’t gone back down. So strange. Why am I swelling NOW? I have no idea. I’m trying to be patient and wait for it to go away.

I have a lot of weight to lose. I’m trying not to worry about it before its necessary. But I’m also trying to get my eating back on a reasonable schedule and healthy instead of just eating all the time like I wanted to the first few days, or eating small amounts of poor nutrition all day long like I was doing when she was squooshing my stomach.

I’ll post a picture shortly.

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