Binge – WHY?

December 2, 2009 at 8:35 pm (General Life Updates)

Last night I binged. AFTER a run. That rarely happens in my world. Usually the endorphins, the sweat, etc., serve to keep me out of the kitchen after exercise in the evening. Not last night. A bad day and a bad evening kind of had me giving up and wanted to eat and eat and eat. Not very cheerful or encouraging, but there you have it.

Let’s see:

I got some cleaning done. Good.

I added up the bills and because of that employee that I mentioned in my last post, we are about 800 dollars short for our monthly bills. BAD.

My husband went to see a Navy Recruiter and is seriously considering joining up next summer if everything goes to plan/schedule. Not good or bad, but SCARY. Lot to think about.

I went to an activity I really didn’t want to go to – where someone asked me if I was pregnant. BAD.

NO I’M NOT PREGNANT. Or rather, I am, but I’m about 2 weeks along and I’m NOT SHOWING. This is just my stupid chub, none of which I’ve been able to get rid of for 4 months now. And most of which is hanging out in my midsection.

So, yes, after taking 3 pregnancy tests, I’ve decided I’m pregnant. GOOD. I really want more children. BUT, if I don’t get my head screwed on straight I could easily gain 80 pounds again with this pregnancy, and I DON’T WANT that to happen.

I came home tired, frustrated, and wanting to eat. By the time the kids were in bed, I’d convinced myself to run. And I did. And that worked for about 30 minutes after my run. And then it started.

Three pieces of toast, 2 with butter, 1 with butter and sugar. Yogurt w/ sugar and hot chocolate powder. Cereal (strawberry frosted mini wheats) eaten straight out of the bin. And then, since I couldn’t find anything conventional, pretzels dipped in peanut butter and then chocolate sprinkles. Sheesh. If we had more food in the house, I’m sure I would have eaten more.

I was bummed. And today, honestly, I haven’t really tried. Dinner wasn’t circumspect. I had a lot of chocolate at the office. And I’ve had another personal apple crisp and a piece of toast since dinner. Oh, and a piece of toast before dinner, too. And I’ve already decided not to work.

So, working on getting head screwed on straight now. Need to maintain a healthy weight for my sake and for the baby’s sake. Want to do more T-Tapp during this pregnancy. As mentioned in previous posts.

I still want to eat. Its actually a saving grace that the house is almost completely empty of snack items. Grocery shopping to happen tomorrow.


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