I’ve Been Reading My Own Blog

November 19, 2009 at 11:13 am (General Life Updates, Success Story)

Makes for interesting reading, if a little unpleasantly revealing. About how selfish I am, have been. How obsessed with losing weight I’ve been, yet how ready I am to excuse my eating excesses. How boring my life is. How I think I’ve recorded my childrens’ milestones, but my posts are comprised mostly of my self-absorbed ramblings. How overwhelmed I was a little over a year ago, and how bleak my outlook was. How so much has changed but so much as stayed the same.

For a year and a half now, I’ve written about plan after plan, intention after intention. Plans to spend more quality time with my kids, intentions of cutting back on their TV watching. Plans to lose weight by using this or that weight loss plan, this or that workout. Plans to save money. Intentions of cleaning my house and keeping it clean. Determination to not let my work suck me back into working a lot of hours.

So let me sum up the status quo:

  • I have managed to lose 43 pounds in the last 8 months. I am not following a specific plan, but a conglomerate of multiple plans and what I’ve learned about healthy eating. I feel better, healthier, stronger, and more educated about whole, good foods.
  • I have learned some wonderful things about cooking, and ideas for different healthy foods. I have gained the confidence to experiment with recipes to make them healthier, and I’m constantly trying to figure out ways to sneak vegetables into my childrens’ diet. I have become a better cook.
  • I know what to eat and about how much to eat in order to lose weight.
  • But….I have once again allowed myself to add in a lot of treats and excess sugar. I’ve been binging again on a semi-regular basis. So despite my gained knowledge, I haven’t lost any new weight in almost 3 months, and the only reason I’m maintaining is because of my rigorous workouts.
  • My children still watch too much TV, but they don’t watch as much as they used to. Improvement has been made.
  • I still constantly struggle to spend quality time with them. I have renewed my determination to do so each day.
  • I have a new (again) system for planning which consists of two laminated documents that reside on the fridge. One is a weekly menu for each meal of the day. The dinners are planned a week at a time, and the rest of the meals are planned the night before. The other document is a daily T0-Do list that I fill out each night for the next day. I try to keep it realistic and I try to cross off everything each day. These are both laminated and I use dry-erase markers on them. This method is my favorite so far of all my grandiose ideas.
  • I feel like I’ve gotten pretty good at maintaining a relatively clean house, and I don’t constantly hate my house or feel overwhelmed. There are a few things that I try to do every day that help, and I use my daily To-Do to keep up with the others. For example, I do the dishes every night right after dinner. This is a habit I fell out of in the first years of our marriage and its taken me this last year to re-establish it firmly. I also try to do a load of laundry every day.
  • I am once again working more than I intended to….. last week I had 16 hours. I am working 12 hours in the office and sometimes a few at home. Yesterday, my boss told me she’d take me back full-time in a heartbeat if I wanted to come back. I have resolved that I can handle the 12+ hours I’m working now, but I won’t add more until something changes with K. He is talking about going to school, and if he does that I might have to work full-time. Until such time as he’s got everything in place to go to school, I’m going to tell work that I would rather continue with the status quo. It is more hours than I first agreed to (4/week), but we could definitely use the money, especially as the holidays are fast approaching. My ego was boosted by hearing how badly my work wants me and feels they need me, but once I got over the knee-jerk reaction to the ego-str0king, I talked myself down.
  • I work out hard most days. I have run two 5K races this summer and I’m running another one on Thanksgiving morning with my brother T and my husband K. I don’t run fast, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come and how strong I’ve gotten. I have more work to do.
  • I read my scriptures and pray most days. Recently, I’ve been reading them in the morning right after I take P to kindergarten and before I get K2 up. I feel stronger spiritually…. but I have more work to do.
  • I feel better equipped to handle extra commitments in my life. Appointments, parties, social engagements. A few weeks ago on Halloween day, I VOLUNTEERED to help decorate the RS room for the Halloween party. My volunteering for anything extra was previously unprecedented.  
  • We still don’t do much. We’re still kind of struggling financially. But we’ve been paying our tithing in full since the beginning of 2009, we have temple recommends again, and we’re starting to keep up better. I’m trying to learn to not have an attitude of avoidance for bills I can’t pay and issues I can’t deal with. Trying to learn to face stuff head-on.

I think I’ve come far in the past year. Our family has grown a lot, and K’s and my relationship is stronger than it was a year ago. My children are happy, well-taken care of, and loved. Could we experience more things and make more memories? Yes. We have more work to do. But we’ve also come far. And I’m proud of us. Happy with this assessment of myself that has come from reading about myself.

And I have more work to do. More to follow……


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