Okay, Not Better.

October 27, 2009 at 9:06 am (Daily Workouts/Eats, General Life Updates, Plan)

To sum up. Lots of night-time eating. No workouts since Friday. Friday I ran outside. Went for a mile run with Cloud, which didn’t go very well due to her not liking her new nose-lead and me not having run outside for over a month. Then, I brought her home and went back out for more run/walking. Walking because I couldn’t seem to keep running. 🙂 But I probably went about 2.5 miles total. When I got home, the kids were raring to go on a walk and I convinced K to come with us. We were out for about 30 minutes, most of which K2 was on K’s shoulders or being carried by me. Or crying because we were making him walk a block. What a little wuss, obviously needs some toughening up. 🙂

Anyway, I still ate a lot Friday night. Saturday, K2 and I met up with Mom to go to a craft fair. They wouldn’t let us take the stroller in, so K2 got to walk. Again, he wasn’t all about the walking most of the time, but I got him to walk more than I expected. He wanted to touch everything, of course, but he did well with being gentle and not touching when I asked him not to. After the craft fair, we went to Walmart to get some pumpkins and then back to Mom’s for lunch after we visited my Aunt D to see the renovations on her house. I hadn’t seen her in a while, so it was nice to chat for a while. I always enjoy my conversations with D.

After lunch, K2 and I hung out for a while with Mom and Dad and then headed back home, getting here around 4:30. K and P had gone fishing, literally. And they had a blast – coming home looking like mountain folk about an hour after K2 and I got there. They brought Taco Bell for dinner. Yeah, really healthy.

The evening went quickly and then K was off to work and the kids were in bed and I was alone. Watching TV and eating. Actually, I think Iwatched a movie, and it sucked. But I ate.

Sunday was normal church and dinner in Monument with M&D. Then we made brownies for dessert. After dessert we high-tailed it out of there right after Dad used the snowblower on the driveway because the snow was coming down pretty fast. But the drive home wasn’t too bad, and K is always confident behind the wheel in all weather.

And then yesterday at work in the afternoon. Lots of chocolate. Continued eating after dinner at home. Feeling in a funk because of my lack of motivation, my lack of drive, no desire to work out, no desire to stop eating. Even though there wasn’t anything the house that I REALLY wanted to eat. I still ate.

So, after making a list of Pros and Cons for continuing to stay in this funk, I realized what I already knew. That staying in this funk has no Pros. Not really. Its all Cons. Cons that turn to Pros if I’m making a list about why I should flip back to the other side of controlled eating and exercise. Productivity.

Which led to Signs. Signs all over my kitchen, taped to the outside and inside of the cupboards that hold the food I have been munching on. A sign over my treadmill. Signs that say “Go upstairs!” and “You never regret working out.” and “Is that scheduled?” or “Are you eating mindlessly?” Etc. Signs.

I’m writing on the calendar when I put them up so that I can take them down and replace them in a month – we all know that when you look at something every day it eventually ceases to have as much meaning. Or maybe that’s just me.

I’m going to make a laminated food calendar that I can put up for planned dinners for a week and each night I can add the rest of the meals for the next day in dry-erase marker.

I’ve gotta snap out of it. I’m pretty sure my TOM is starting, so I’m not pregnant. Which means that my time is not up for improving this body before I have to let it gain some weight. And I’m obviously not in the right frame of mind to have a healthy attitude and food intake when I DO get pregnant, if the possibility sends me back into binge-land.

Snapping out of it…. please, let me be snapping out of it. But I know that tonight it is going to be super-easy to once again convince myself not to work out. To eat too much. So tonight is like night #1 all over again. I will have to talk myself down, probably multiple times. Hopefully, the signs will help.

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2 Comments

  1. Lori said,

    “Is this *helping* me to get where I want to be?”. That’s the question I ask myself, over and over again. The more I have the willpower to say no, it’s not, and get past it, the easier it is to say no the next time…. Hang in there, I’m cheering (((you))) on!

  2. farebear said,

    Thanks Lori! I feel a lot better about the funk today – though night-time hasn’t struck yet, so I guess we’ll see. 🙂 I’ve done some things today such as hang up the silly signs and make a blank week menu that I’m going to print and laminate for filling in. I also got some yogurt at the store – I was without yogurt for a couple days and I missed it badly!! I also think that I had some serious PMS, especially now that I’ve started and I feel so much more level today.

    Thanks for the cheers! Have a great day!

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