When Things Fell Apart

May 27, 2009 at 8:03 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats, General Life Updates)

Yesterday was an interesting day. I guess interesting is a word that fits. It wasn’t a horrible day, but it was an awful day at the same time.

I went to work. No biggie. I ate what I set out to eat at work, the proffered salad provided for my lunch meeting, and my snacks. I guesstimated at the calorie content and portion sizes of the stuff in the salad later in the afternoon, and was slightly dismayed at myself for having put ranch on my salad when it didn’t improve the taste as much as it added calories. But I thought I moved on.

Then I got home. K had made a cobbler dessert. Perfectly. He was so proud of it! And it was GOOD. And very rich. And there was no meat thawed for dinner. And we didn’t have any idea what to make. So I decided to make grilled cheese/meat sandwiches for everyone. I wasn’t going to have one, so I thought I could have a couple of yummy snacks instead of a meal. DELUSIONAL. 🙂 I had a Fiber One bar from the freezer while I made everyone’s sandwiches. And then I made myself one with my 45 cal bread, a little less butter, meat and just sprinkled mozarella instead of the sliced cheddar I put on everyone else’s. It was good. So was the Fiber One bar.

Well, I don’t even remember everything I ate between that time and midnight. I didn’t work out. I felt so heavy I’m not sure what would have happened if I’d tried to walk or  run. Cramps for sure. I ate A LOT. And then I ate some more. I started to have gas pains (TMI, sorry), but I kept eating. I felt over-full. But I kept eating. Ugh and ugh again.

I was in pain all night. I never really slept soundly, and the horrible gas pains and cramps were still present this morning. Every time I stretched during the night, my calves threatened me with charlie horse cramps. And the gas! My poor husband, coming in the room in the middle of the night when he got done working and being bombarded with the gas chamber that our room turned into with me in there.

Today, I feel I’ve learned my lesson. I can’t say I’ll never binge again. But oooh, boy, I can’t binge like I used to. My body objects!! This happened about a month and a half ago (or less, I could go back and find it in the blog entries), and I had similar pains. This was worse. I’m glad my body can’t handle it anymore. I feel blessed that my body is learning to reject that kind of abuse. So why did I do it? And how can I guarantee it won’t happen again? I don’t know, and I don’t know. But I”ll try. Today, I put good things into my body. And I’ve eaten a very low-calorie day, because it seemed like what my body wanted.

I’ll work out tonight for the first time since Saturday. And by golly, it will feel good. Get to run while I watch So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD). Yay!

Also have to go to work tomorrow. I told K that if I’m going to work twice a week for a while, he needs to help me with dinners because I’m going to have a really hard time continuing to lose weight if I have rough nights like last night every time I go in. He agreed to try and help with meals on the days I go in. So that should help. Its all about the planning and deciding beforehand. I’m not beating myself up about last night – I figure my body already did that enough. I’m just moving on and trying to do better in the future. Wish me luck.

Gotta go put the kids to bed and then get to sweatin’.

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