Long Day, Short Day

April 16, 2009 at 7:03 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats, General Life Updates)

Today was both.

Weighed in at 207.5 this morning. An hour later after breakfast and a little house work, weighed in at 206.5. I’m recording the 207.5, but I’m not worried about it because of the 206.5. 🙂 Tidied up and vacuumed this morning – and it needed it bad. Did a little more laundry and then got ready for work. Picked P up from school and brought them both home to leave with K, who got home while K2 and I were getting P. Then I went to the office, where I ate lunch while I conferred with some co-workers. After about an hour of that, I spent the rest of the afternoon at the walk-up computer working on the markups from last week and testing the process I’m documenting. Found a couple of hitches and tried to iron them out and get the differences documented.

Came home, made a quick dinner of steamed brocolli, sauteed chicken, butter noodles (that I didn’t partake in), and for me, a small side salad (basically some lettuce). I was happy that I got it done just in time for K to have some before he left; he’d slept all afternoon while K2 slept and P entertained herself and needed some good fuel to go to work on besides 2 applesauces and a banana which is what he snacked on while I was preparing it since neither of us thought it’d be ready in time.

Now, the kids are playing with their little keyboard and generally being noisy. The TV is off, which is unusual but nice. About an hour until their bedtime and then I’m going to work out again, though probably still not full force. Last night’s 40 minute walk was interesting trying to make sure I breathed mildly the whole time so as not to have a coughing fit that I couldn’t stop once it started. But I’m definitely on the road to recovery. A little worried about how boogery K2 still is and I hope he starts to show signs of it being gone soon so that I can be sure he doesn’t have ear infections or any other complications.

I tried on all those pants in my closet last night. The 24’s are WAY too big, the 18s all fit (that’s a big jump, but I think I wore the 24’s when I was pregnant), the 22’s are too big. A couple of the 16’s fit, a couple don’t. And one of the 14’s ALMOST fit, which is pretty cool. These pants were all bought at different years/times/stores, so the sizing isn’t really consistent. And if I were to buy a 14 today, it would probably be smaller than the 14’s I have. Its been a LONG time since I could wear a 14.

I’m feeling great (aside from the cold). I feel successful, in control, motivated, and excited about the process. I also feel like it almost doesn’t matter. I need to remember this down the line – that all the people that know and care about me are happy for me simply because they’re happy I’m happy. But other than that, they don’t care! In a good way! Because they know and love ME, NOT the way I look. And this is something that I forget and dismiss – that I’m not my looks. I’m so much more. My soul, my heart and brain, my personality – the people who are important judge me on these things. They don’t judge me on if I’m trendy, or pretty, or wearing a certain size, or on how many chins I have. And finally realizing this as I lose weight is an interesting process. Almost like I think people ought to like or love me MORE because I’m getting smaller. How dumb is that? So its a great reminder that getting healthy and hence smaller is only one small fraction of my life. My life is so much bigger than just that. My husband, my kids, my beliefs, my personality, my projects, my other struggles, my job, my hobbies (still trying to develop some besides reading), etc. So when people don’t notice that I’m shrinking (especially people that are kind of close to me), I tell myself its because they see ME, not my fat, so as I lose it they just don’t notice. And that helps. Plus, reminding myself that I’m not doing this for them helps me to not get my feelings hurt.

That was all kind of disjointed and rambling. I hope it makes sense to me when I come back and read it in a few years.


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