Second reward – 220

March 11, 2009 at 10:53 am (Uncategorized)

Weighed in at 220 today! That qualifies me for my second weight loss reward! Only I still hadn’t decided which one it is this time. Guess I’ll look at the list and see if there’s anything we can afford right now – unlikely. But this is pretty dang exciting folks!!! I lost 10 pounds in a week and a half. Even if that slows down to a couple pounds a week, this is GREAT! Clothes are already starting to fit a little differently, especially pants. I haven’t tried on any that didn’t fit before – I think I’ll wait another 5 pounds before I try that. But still, YAY!

Weird though, even though I’m typing this up with exclamation points, etc., this weight loss is surprisingly anticlimactic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited about it. But life is going on around the weight loss. This schedule of only eating 4 times a day (3 meals and 1 snack) has freed up a lot of time, even with all the extra cooking. Time that I need to be filling up with productive and beneficial activities. I’ve been trying to do that. Also, the weight loss doesn’t solve our money problems, and it doesn’t solve my personality flaws. It doesn’t raise my kids. It doesn’t maintain my marriage with my husband. It doesn’t study my scriptures or pray to my Heavenly Father. I do. And I am not 220 pounds. That is just what my body happens to weigh right now. This little mini-epiphane feeling probably won’t last long. Tomorrow or the next day I’ll feel “fat” and feel like my weight hinders me as a person for some reason. But I’m hoping I can carry on and remember this feeling where it doesn’t really matter. Yes, I want to lose weight to be healthier, to wear cuter clothes, to feel sexier, to be able to wear my wedding ring. To be able to have a good starting point for minimum pregnancy weight gain. But my weight doesn’t live my life for me. And it shouldn’t really have anything to do with how I live my life.

On to other things. Last night, after I read my scriptures and said my prayers, I was laying in bed thinking about our money problems. You’d think having just filed bankruptcy that we wouldn’t have any, but we do. 20o8 taxes, 20o9 first quarter taxes, the amount we owe the bankruptcy court to close our case, all these things are weighing on my mind. And they’re not going to go away at the rate that we’re going. We’re doing better than we were, but we’re still struggling paycheck to paycheck. And I was very lazily thinking about all this stuff – not coming up with any solutions or even trying to, really. And it came to me – out of the blue and in such a clear voice I know it wasn’t mine. “We need to sell the house.” I feel very strongly that it was a prompting from the Spirit, an answer to a prayer I had said moments earlier to please help us figure out how to get ahead and start living a financially responsible life. The phrase “we need to sell the house” just kept resonating through my mind, even as I spent the next 20 minutes lying there in bed going over and over all the pros and cons of this idea. Mentally beating it to death and scaring myself at the same time. The prompting didn’t include where we should go. It didn’t include how we should get the house ready to sell. It just said “we need to sell the house”. Having never really received a prompting about our family before in such clearness, I’m not sure how to tell K when he gets home today. I think it is something he should get confirmation of, but I don’t know if he’ll be willing to or if he’ll just take my word for it and tell me to make it happen. When I’d really like him to do it. 🙂 I got up after I thought about it for a few minutes and thanked the Lord for the mini-revelation. It felt good to know that after a long time of wandering spiritually, I’m finally starting to progress again enough to be able to hear a spiritual push and recognize it. Anyway, enough about that.

K2’s appt for his shots is actually today, not yesterday like I’d thought. Tomorrow is P’s school and office afternoon for me. I also want to try and work on some of the “home”work they’ve given me tonight to try and get a few more hours on my paycheck. I’m going to use the next 2 or 3 checks to pay off a couple of our unpaid bills that have been hanging out there for months waiting for us to have enough “extra”. I just want them done and paid for, and this is the quickest solution I can think of. Then at least I can stop worrying about them and worry about the BIG money problems that I mentioned before. I think if I use most of the check to pay a bill each time, some of the check can still go into the savings for the floor.

These are the things I’m thinking about today. It probably isn’t very interesting to anyone else, but there you have it. I still haven’t made this blog into a clever entertaining one – it is still just my daily log/diary of my weight loss efforts and life. That’s why I don’t give out the link.

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