Enough is Enough

February 10, 2009 at 10:23 am (Uncategorized)

What a lame title to a post, eh? But that’s all I got today.

Let’s see, updates since last post. K2 is still teething …. I think. I wrestled with him a little this morning trying to get him to let me look or feel, but he’s a secretive little monster. Also, yesterday he got a haircut. His little head is buzzed and he looks like a different boy. It was very traumatic; K tried to get him to sit still by ‘getting him used to’ the clippers by letting him hold them. Didn’t work. He was still too curious and kept turning toward K whenever he stepped around to go at his mop. So K let K2 hold it again, and K2 decided to throw it. Which didn’t really surprise me, though it definitely wasn’t ideal since the throw broke the clippers. Thanksfully, K got them put back together and working, though he was pretty irritated with K2. Things went downhill from there. Because K got serious about getting it done and K2 started crying. Heartbreakingly. And that produced boogers. Which he needed to rub his fist over. Which spread said boogers and also got hair stuck to them because of the hair falling all over K2’s body and face. And the tickling of the hair caused more crying, more rubbing of the face, and more spreadage of the boogers. It was all very difficult for him, but it was over eventually and while I went to pick P up from school, K gave K2 a bath. Baths always put K2 in a good mood – all that water to splash around and getting rid of the itchy hair. So, K2 looks fresh and different, and adorable.

The present my parents brought us was a new computer. It is fabulous. I didn’t get it set up until after church on Sunday, but it is practically silent and so much faster than the old one. I also love this new keyboard that Dad gave us – it is so bouncy and compact. I just want to type.

Yesterday I filed paperwork to try and keep the desk as minimalist as possible – the pile was growing and as much as I hate dealing with the pile, I hate having the pile more. I also did my two housework things yesterday and that’s about it. I didn’t exercise, and I didn’t put away the laundry that I washed. It was one of those days where I was out of sorts all day without ever really understanding why.

Perhaps it has to do with my TOM starting on Sunday night. A relief, for sure, because I thought I might be pregnant and I’m not quite ready for that. But the accompanying hormones are still weird since this is only my second one in quite a while.

I hate this floor situation in our house right now. The particle board floors mixed with the kitchen and K2 always taking out the plasticware to play with… there is a build-up of dust and dog hair everywhere that I’m just really unsure about how to deal with it. Sweeping doesn’t seem to do any good, and I can’t really mop naked particle board. The general dirtiness of it all is driving me a little crazy.

I’ve decided enough is enough with my eating. It is self-indulgent, lazy, and defeatist to just whine over and over about how I can’t control it, I have bad habits, I’m undisciplined, I want to eat what I want, my DH doesn’t have these problems, etc. If I want to see change in myself I’m the one that has to do it. K can’t do it for me, nor can he want it for me. Especially since he loves me curvy just as much as he loved me a little less curvy (I was never not curvy). Friends and family aren’t going to do it or want it for me. And accountability to someone might help, but it won’t solve anything if I’m not even willing to try. I’m sick of feeling like if I don’t work out I’ve failed – and that I’m basically working out just to maintain because my eating habits won’t allow my workout efforts to slim me down on their own. It would be nice to know I’ve eaten such that if I miss a workout because I’m exhausted or not mentally in the game, I won’t have to worry that I’ve gained or slipped back down a hill.

So, I’m going to start thinking. That is the key. Mindless eating has been the norm for me for a long time now, and that is the main problem I think. Thinking. Do I really want it? Do I need it? Is this the best choice? Am I eating just because I’m used to eating at this time or others are eating? Or because I’m bored or have nothing else to do? Thinking is my first step. I know how to eat healthily. But I’ve been supressing the knowledge in favor of my self-indulgent whining. I’m not saying that I’m going to be perfect from here on out, but enough is enough.

I have other goals that I’d like to work in. Eating less and more structuredly (is that a word) will only lend itself to that. Getting more done. Fitting more in. For example, I haven’t been working with P very much the last few days. And I need to start studying my scriptures on a daily basis.

My 33rd birthday is 11 days away if you don’t count today.


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