Monday – start afresh?

January 26, 2009 at 10:41 am (Uncategorized)

Last night as we were leaving my parent’s house my mom was asking how many bite-size candy bars I’d taken from her jar. Then she said something along the lines of ‘but we’re back on tomorrow, right?’ And I responded with ‘back on what? I haven’t had a plan in ages!’ She wanted me to make the bite-sizers last until Wednesday. Right.

But it got me thinking. I had that huge epiphany about turning 33 and not being able to prevent it whether I got in shape or not. And I haven’t done anything with it. I’ve exercised semi-regularly. Other than that, nothing. Last night I ate all those bite-sizers, plus two Smarties, plus a huge batch of pie-crust cinnamon-sugar cookies.

I want to set goals. Stuff to accomplish and stick to for my health. But I have so little faith in myself I’m afraid to mentally commit to anything – almost assuming I’ll fail before I even decide on a goal.

So, I ask myself. Should I make a bunch of plans – eat this, not that, go to sleep at this time, exercise this much, etc., or should I do it a little at a time? One goal for a week or two weeks before I add in another? I honestly have no idea which is the better approach. I want so badly to have an ah-ha moment and just get on the wagon and stay there. At least mentally. But nothing comes. What I would love to do is just escape back into the books – I wasn’t eating much then. But that isn’t an option; I have to stay strong.

So I guess if I can overcome an addiction like the reading and stick to it, I should be able to overcome other things and stick to it, right? In theory.

I just keep second and third-guessing myself.

I’m going into work this afternoon. Gotta go get ready. Plan is to come home and take care of kids for evening and then walk/run on treadmill. Or maybe a T-Tapp workout. Either way some sort of physicality.

Didn’t go to church yesterday. My decision making skills at 6:45 AM are seriously faulty. I wanted to sleep, I knew I wouldn’t be able to wake K – so I figured I’d make him wake up for the 11:30 sacrament meeting of another ward. But then I couldn’t get him to wake up or even be lucid enough to understand that I was trying to get him up, and I didn’t want to go to a different ward by myself with the kids any more than I wanted to go to our ward with the kids by myself so …. no church. Next week I need to 1) go to bed earlier on Saturday night, and 2) make the decision firm in my mind the night before that I am going – K or not – with the kids. And then get up and do it.

Gotta go get ready.

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