Office Days

January 21, 2009 at 11:45 am (Uncategorized)

Office days seem to impair my motivation. I was tired last night. I got home, K hadn’t made dinner yet. He did so, but he was less than enthusiastic about it. Then, I went across the street to check on P who was over there playing with the neighbor boy Kx. She was fine so I came back over and fed K2 dinner, and just as I finished up doing that one of my VT’s arrived by herself to visit. We visited for about 40 minutes and then the struggle to get P to eat her dinner began.

By the time I put K2 down for bed and P was in bed as well – both a little later than usual – I just didn’t have it in my to change, set up the treadmill, and do anything with it. So I sat and watched TV. And thought about how badly I want to read a book. Ugh. Hold strong. So since I wasn’t exercising and I couldn’t read a book, I ate. I had candy, yogurt, a granola bar, more candy, more candy, a piece of bread. Geez. I didn’t really WANT any of it, but I kept eating. It was my first night in a long time that I basically binged a little. I guess when you’re trying to get over one addiction, other addictions rise up to take their place?

I hadn’t thought about it a lot until yesterday, but over the past 2 months that I’ve been reading, food has become a secondary thing for me. I ate when I’m hungry or when I have to, I wasn’t excited about food hardly ever, and I rarely ate much at night because I was busy reading. For some reason putting a book down to get munchies happened much less than pausing a show to get munchies. I pause a lot.

Anyway, it would appear that uncontrolled eating is once again going to be an issue now that I’m not reading. I’m not happy about that.

So work could possibly escalate if I let it. They’ll use me as much as I let them. Gotta stay strong. I’ll be putting all the money I make aside to save up for the hard wood floor.

Gotta exercise tonight since I didn’t last night. Also need to do a little grocery shopping today. K will probably sleep until late afternoon, so I might have to bundle up the kids and go this morning with them. I’ve never gone grocery shopping with both of them by myself before. Adventures. Also have some catching up to do on my daily cleaning tasks and a bunch of laundry to put away. Life in the fast lane is so exciting.

The last couple of days I’ve been feeling grateful that I’ve managed to quit reading and start to emerge from the addiction. But today, I am just sad and want to read a book.

I don’t expect anyone reading this to understand why I keep referring to reading as an addiction, but it is for me. Certain types of books and I get swallowed up. That’s as much explaining as I’m going to do, and it probably doesn’t help. But I know what I’m talking about so I hope to be able to refer back to this and see my struggle and know I was strong and got stronger. My goal right now is to pray once a day to start trying to gain some of my spirituality back and strengthen my relationship with the Lord.


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