33

December 17, 2008 at 2:35 pm (Uncategorized)

Last night while starting to watch the finale of Biggest Loser, I had a moment of clarity. Or a moment of surprise. Not sure what to call it. Regardless of how it should be labeled – the crux of it was that in 2 months, I’m going to be 33 years old. 33! Somehow, 33 seems so much more entrenched in the 30’s than 32 does! Now, even to me that seems silly, but that’s how it feels just the same. Two months! And for the past month, I’ve been slothful to the point of being disgusted with myself. Now, I’ve been cleaning, and reading, and cooking. But there has been way too much eating, especially at night.

Last night after I realized this pending middle age that would have been obvious to anyone with marginal intelligence, I got up. I had already decided to put off walking one more night. But I got up and walked on the treadmill for an hour while I watched Biggest Loser. After I got done, I put on the whitening strips I got to curb my night-time eating and left them on for 30 minutes.

I don’t have much to report other than that. Still following the cleaning calendar. Today was washing the visible floorboards upstairs, which I’ve already done except for K2’s room since he’s sleeping in there. Today was P’s Christmas presentation for school. It was adorable and now she’s out of school until January.

Found some authors that have started a CleanRomanceClub, which is pretty cool, especially if I could afford the membership. I might swing it yet. E-books are so easy to get immediately with no trips to the library or store.

Well, the conclusion of action that I came to last night when I saw the top of the hill rapidly arriving was that I can’t afford to put off my health. I’m not old, but I’m not getting younger. And it isn’t going to get easier if I put it off until I miraculously grow some will power or determination. No, I’m going to have to *build* myself some determination and will power. Day to day, choice by choice. Some magic bell isn’t going to go off in my head that says “Now is the time to start. This is the perfect plan for you and it will require no effort or thought on your part. Just proceed and the weight will magically fall off and you’ll go from looking like you do now to instantly looking like an ‘after’ picture.” There is no bell that says or does all that. So I’m going to have to decide, tonight when I want to make some peanut butter balls that I don’t need them, that I can resist. And after that when I think, oh, a little bowl of cereal *or two* won’t hurt, I’ll have to stop and put the bowl and the cereal back before I pour it. And after that when I pull down the bag of candy I bought for Christmas day, I’ll need to tie the bag closed again and put it back in the high cupboard without taking anything out. And then, when I decide that I’m too lazy or it is too early and I should just watch one more show before I go to bed, I’m going to need to stand up, turn the TV off and go upstairs to bed or shower. And I’m not going to make the correct decision every time, but if I start to think about what I’m doing before just mindlessly following the precedents I’ve set for myself – gradually I think I’ll start to realize I CAN choose to do differently. And I’ll feel better for it. And as I feel better I’ll be able to make better decisions more often. And so on. That’s the only way this is going to happen – I HAVE TO START THINKING about what I’m doing.

The activity is the same way – I need to do every other day. It doesn’t really matter if I walk or do T-Tapp. At first its just going to be getting back in the habit of the first 6 months of this year of doing something almost every day or night. As I get going, I can get more picky about whether I do a T-tapp workout or just walk. 33 is coming, and I’m going to turn 33 whether I’m bigger or smaller than I am now. So I might as well be smaller, right? Healthier, more energetic. If I continue on in the manner that I’ve been going, I’ll be bigger at 33 than I am now. For sure. I’ve already gained weight just in the last couple weeks. So now is the time to start changing that.

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