Apparently, too much

November 5, 2008 at 3:22 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

So I guess all that was too much yesterday, because I started bleeding quite a bit last night and some of my pain returned. So, going to take it easy today. Unloaded the dishwasher and got dressed for my luncheon. Will hopefully still do a load of laundry when I get back.

My sister in law has told her sister, my other sister in law that I’ve “jumped her case” and that K (her brother, who would do almost anything for her) has too. That irritates me. What’s with all the drama? I got snippy with her, and I need to apologize. But one time being short with a person does not mean you’ve written that person off or that you’re going to refuse to help that person from now on, does it? I mean, yes, I snapped at her. But hello! Does that mean I’ve started a feud??!! That I’ve told her I can’t or won’t help her from now on? And by help I mean watch her kid on the days my still other sister in law can’t watch her. I don’t mind watching her kid! I just want to have a schedule! Is that so much to ask? I like to know what days she’ll be here – maybe two weeks schedule at one time. I don’t think that should be so hard! My other sister in law that watches her has her work schedule months at a time. So why can’t I get a couple weeks at a time? She told me Sunday night when I called her back from the voicemail that I’d gotten from her an hour earlier that she’d been trying to reach me all weekend. Well, I have no missed calls from her, no text messages, and we actually spoke Friday night. Why didn’t she tell me then? And how come everyone else has been getting through to my phone just fine all weekend, but her messages and calls haven’t come through. What I think is that she realized she hadn’t told me Sunday night and so she called and left a message when I didn’t answer. But then when I called her back and she tried to make it sound like its MY fault she couldn’t reach me? I know that people tell little lies when they know they’ve left something to the last minute and they feel bad about it. But when I interrupted her recital of apparent efforts to reach me – efforts I don’t thing happened – to say okay, well I don’t want to go back and forth about who’s phone is malfunctioning, bottom line is we’re watching * tomorrow, right? she got pissed and decided to go all martyr (one of my BIGGEST PET PEEVES) and say, um no I’ll call so-and-so and I said, its not a big deal we can watch her, she said no, I’ll call so-and-so. So I said, fine, and hung up. I lost my temper! You can’t tell me that’s the first time she’s ever had someone lose their temper with her or that she’s never done the same to one of her brothers or sisters! And she’s written me off – for THAT?

I’ll call and apologize. I’m not going to give any excuses, though I can come up with plenty of them. Like, (at the time) I had surgery 2 days ago, can’t you think to ask your other UNEMPLOYED, NO KIDS sister take care of your daughter until I’ve at least been cleared to pick stuff up and am not bleeding anymore? Like, can you give me more than 8 hours notice? Like, my emotions are really close to the surface and things aren’t all roses and sunshine with me right now – I just lost a baby? Give me a break – I cry at the least provocation and when I least expect it – its only natural that some of that emotion is going to come out as anger. Like yesterday when I was DOING TOO MUCH – I was pissed all day long. And I couldn’t even figure out why. Until I realized that this miscarriage is RUINING my enjoyment of my first week of not working. I can’t DO TOO MUCH, I can’t OVERDO IT, I’m depressed, and I’m irritable. So when people ask me if I’m LOVING not working, the answer is NO because I’m not happy about anything right now!!!! Give me some time, people! And I would say the same to myself, if I thought I’d listen.

So I could say all that to my sister-in-law when I apologize, but I won’t. Because obviously I can’t be honest with how I’m feeling with her without making her think I’ve “jumped her case”. And that pisses me off. Are we friends or not? Are we family or not? Make up your mind – I’m family when you want my help without ever actually ASKING me for it, but we’re not family when I do one tiny thing wrong and upset you or hurt your feelings? Then, I’m just a bi$*& who gets snotty for no reason. Well, I HAD a reason!

I will apologize. But the cat is out of the bag now. I have a temper, and at some point in the future she might be the brunt of it again if she pulls stupidity like lying to me about trying to reach me “all weekend”. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love her. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to help her. It doesn’t mean I would write HER off for the little things about her personality that aren’t perfect. HELLO – no on is perfect. Least of all me! But I didn’t mean to start a feud! I had one bad night!!!!!

Done venting. I’m still not looking forward to calling her and eating humble pie to help her forgive me. But I’ll do it.

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