Nothing, and more nothing

October 26, 2008 at 10:20 am (Daily Workouts/Eats)

That is both what is happening with my body, and also what I’ve been accomplishing. I did a batch of dishes on Friday because we had absolutely no clean dishes. I unloaded the dishwasher gradually yesterday and eventually got it empty, but the pile of dishes is just as high again and I haven’t done them. Friday, I got soem errands run, in an effort to make the day go faster. I took P and went to the bank, then the other bank, then to the high school up on the AFA to deliver some Mary Kay, then to my director’s house to pick up some Mary Kay, then to the post office to mail some Mary Kay. Then home. It felt good to get something done and be out of the house.

Then, yesterday I relapsed. I stayed in sweats, no bra, no washing of the face or brushing of the face until about 8:00 at night. I read my book and watched TV while trying to keep the children fed and relatively entertained. But I did no housework, I didn’t leave the house. K was gone from 7 am until 9 pm at a softball tournament in Denver. It just happens to suck that he is always part of the winning team and doesn’t get sent home until the end. When he got home, I’d just put K2 to bed after giving him and P a bath, and P was in our bed. I did brush my teeth and put on a bra then, to go to Borders and spend money we can’t afford to spend on a couple books I want to read. I told myself I deserved it, and spent the money. I looked like a WNTW disaster, even had a couple food spots on my sweats and sweatshirt. Awful.

Last night I took a shower before going to bed – I just felt too gross. Today, the kids let me sleep in until shortly after 9, which was a blessing. We’ve had oatmeal, and now P is watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, though I usually try to limit her TV watching on Sundays. I’ve decided not to go to church today, though I’ll be sad to miss M’s 2nd lesson as well as her first. I’ll have to email her and say sorry for not being there. I really want to see her teach, but the 4th Sunday seems to be a bad one for me. Last month I was sick, now I’m miscarrying. I hope K goes, because I don’t like for P to miss a Sunday. But I doubt he’ll want to take both of them by himself, so hopefully K2 will sleep a lot while they’re gone.

This week I have to decide if I want to get a D&C. I found out that my benefits are done on the last day of work, so that is this Friday. If I want the D&C, I’ll have to get it this week or not at all, because I won’t be covered. I don’t want to schedule it for Friday, because that’s the day they’ll be having an appreciation and going away lunch for me at work.

226 this morning. In trying to see the silver lining of not having a baby growing inside me, I’ve tried to look at this as an opportunity to lose more weight and get healthier before I have another pregnancy. Goal would be to not be ‘obese’ by the time I get pregnant again. I haven’t been working out this past couple weeks with all this happening with my body and being so exhausted, but after this is over I’ll start right back up again. I’m not going to let my newly renewed exercise habit fall by the wayside after 10 months of hard work to get it back. So the only problem really left is my eating habits. Which have gotten kind of crazy again. But I haven’t resolved on a method yet, so I’ll have to keep you posted. I’d rather be pregnant and have another child for our family in May, but if I can’t, I might as well prepare.

I did get a hold of my mom on Skype in Japan on Friday night (her Saturday morning). It was good to talk to her, if weird to do it on a computer while I could see her but she couldn’t see me (they have a camera, I just have a microphone built into my laptop). We spoke again last night on her Sunday afternoon and my 10:30 pm after I got back from the bookstore. She suggested I might want to go to church to get out of the house, but I just don’t want to talk to people that are sympathetic and wanting to help and there’s nothing they can do. Nothing. Though I might ask for someone to bring a couple meals on the day of and day after I have the D&C (if I have it).

If anyone is reading – here are my options that I’ve done before for controlling my food intake:

GodMade-ManMade way of eating counting/monitoring
Weight Watchers (not sure I can afford this)
Intermittent fasting (I don’t know if this method was working for my particular metabolism, I don’t think it was hurting me, but I don’t think it was teaching me any control, and I think I was yo-yoing in a minor way)
Meal replacement shakes (I don’t know what kind)

So, if anyone has the time or inclination – any suggestions?


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