Downward Slope – Stopping right now

June 23, 2008 at 3:18 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I’m not going to wait until tomorrow to ‘start again’. I haven’t followed through in the last 2 or 3 days. On one side, it is pretty good that it took me three weeks to have a weekend that derailed me, when weekends are usually the bane of any dieter’s life.

I didn’t fast this weekend. I didn’t even start my fast last night instead of Saturday night like I said I would. Normally, this would be the sort of thing I wouldn’t blog about, being a little ashamed. But my life isn’t going to stop, and I’m trying to remember that my success in life isn’t only measured by my success in the weight loss arena.

K got up this morning with the kids after a weekend of getting a lot more sleep than he normally does. I struggled to ‘sleep’ in like I told him I wanted to. I finally fell back to sleep and slept until 11:30, then I got up and had a bagel and a half with cream cheese and a glass and a half of chocolate milk. I will work out tonight, but I think this means I’m only going to have one fast this week instead of just pushing back the Sunday one again. Because then I’d have to push back the Wednesday fast. And it would continue to be a cycle of pushing back. So I’m going to continue to eat normally today, which will hopefully mean a balanced dinner, and then start a fast Tuesday night.

I gave a lesson yesterday in church about having an eternal perspective. It has got me thinking a lot about the time I’m losing to this computer. Looking forward to quitting my job, but until that happens I feel like I need to make some changes. I think I’m going to start turning my computer off after I’m done working. That will require me to actually focus and do some work so that I can get my hours. Then, I need to do other things. Yardwork, playing with P and K2, housework, hobby work. I need to have a life other than housework, exercise, eating, and sitting here at the computer, “working”. Right now, that is all  my life is. I get through  one day, only to start another trying to ‘get through’. I don’t look forward to my days, I don’t feel productive or useful or like a good mom, wife, or home-maker. I just ‘get through’. And this is my only mortal probation, my only time to prove my worthiness to return to my Heavenly Father. And right now at least, I’m wasting it. Or not doing my best, if that’s a more gracious way to phrase it. This has nothing to do with how much weight I have to lose, what I’m doing to lose it, or how fast that’s going. It has to do with my life and how one-dimensional I’ve let it become.

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