First Public Failure?

May 30, 2008 at 8:19 pm (Daily Workouts/Eats)

I’ve been contemplating what to say in this post all day long.

And I still haven’t figured out what to say.

Wednesday, I said I was going to: 1) leave the cereal alone, 2) not have any yogurt, and 3) have my first AN day on Thursday. Things didn’t go quite as I planned, to say the least. Before Wednesday night was over I had had a yogurt and one bowl of cereal. Now, I didn’t feel too badly about this because as far as my typical night-time eating goes, this was extremely mild and controlled. 🙂

Thursday was going along pretty well. I was kind of bummed that I had to go into work earlier than  usual and therefore didn’t have time to workout before I went in, but I had my normal oatmeal breakfast and was in a pretty good mood. I was extremely busy at work, and the day went pretty quickly. There was a deck party going on for lunch upstairs on the top floor of the building – I ate two small sandwiches, a few chips, 6 petite-bite brownies (*cringe*), a little potato salad, and a diet 7-Up (the only non-caffeinated soda available; I don’t usually bother drinking diet if I’m going to drink soda). I ate green grapes I’d brought in a small baggie, and had nothing else all afternoon except some water because there was nothing available and I was too busy to go find something. Things really started to go south when I got a call in the late afternoon from the paralegal handling our bankruptcy. Without going into ridiculous details, we are trying to file for bankruptcy and life just keeps messing everything up – more so than it already has to make us resort to filing in the first place. So I had a conversation with her, and that just turned my whole mood/aura/whatever sour.

I left work about 4:45, after trying to leave at 4:30 and headed home. To find that my husband had fed my daughter nothing but cold cereal all day, that my son had been up for so long since his nap that he was almost impossible to handle, and that there were no plans for dinner or anything thawed to cook. And that he was going to leave shortly for work. I got grumpier and grumpier. But all that was really bothering me was the bankruptcy. It was so stupid. I was short with K, P, and K2. Short with the dogs. K made us tuna sandwiches and left for work …. and I started eating. Mostly cereal, and the other yogurt.

So then I finally felt a little better, but felt guilty instead. And I didn’t really feel better until the kids were in bed and I was relaxing.

That was way more detail than necessary, but I wanted to document how the non-plan day happened. What led to it. Perhaps I can learn from this and do better next time I get grumpy and frustrated by life.

The cereal is gone. The yogurt is gone. While we still have food in the house, we don’t have anything that makes me want to snack unnecessarily. I worked out hard today. Haven’t had a stellar day nutritionally, but I got a lot of work hours in as well and had a healthy and satisfying lunch (notice I can’t say the same about breakfast and dinner). 

Still planning on starting my first fast tomorrow night. K2’s official first day without nursing even once was yesterday. And I’m not even swollen or sore today, so I think that is a signal my body was done producing milk anyway. K2 seems fine, not missing it at all. We still spend some quiet time together in his room when he takes his night-time bottle.

That’s all I’ve got to say tonight. More this weekend on my first fast in over 4 years and how it goes. 


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