Comfy in My Skin

I’m not going to start counting calories again, but I’m going to record my eats in my spreadsheet along with my daily weights. I haven’t used the spreadsheet in a few weeks, and I think it is time to start writing it all down again. Started out today with some yummy green oats. Which used the last of my egg white protein powder. Now we have some strawberry whey protein, but I don’t know how that will taste in my oats. I’ll try it, but I might have to invest in some more vanilla powder.

Late last night (causing me to get to bed later than I would have liked) I decided to take progress pictures. Will post later after I’ve edited them to take my head off.

Not really. But every time I think of getting to that point in weight loss when you have to tighten things up a bit to continue to lose, I think of a story my mom told me about a lady doing Weight Watchers. She couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t losing weight, since she was doing everything “right” (not sure what her definition of “right” was) and she had stopped losing. Eventually, she and her leader figured out it was because she was not counting her GUM. GUM! Now, realistically, I’m assuming it was full-calorie gum and she was chewing a LOT of it. But I always said that when I got to the point when I had to cut out GUM in order to keep losing weight, I’d be done.

Since I don’t really chew gum (maybe once a week), my “gum” will probably be something different. Like peanut butter maybe?

Regardless of what it is, I’m not to that point yet. But I am to a point (I think) when I need to be a little more careful. Up until now, I’ve been able to lose weight at a respectable rate (okay, not respectable, but losing) and still have a lot of treats throughout the week. When I say treats, I mean little chocolates at the office, a little bit of starch with dinner, maybe a small helping of seconds of starch (about 1/4 cup), creamy sauces on my meat, an extra peach or snack with my snack. Dessert after dinner instead of a healthy snack. Not sure what else to catalog as treats, but suffice it to say that I’ve been pretty lenient with my diet.

One day does not a statistic make, but yesterday I felt I had eaten well, pretty much on the mark. I’d had that extra peach after my yogurt/peach/granola snack since the peaches were so delicious. I’d had that extra 1/4 cup of whole wheat buttered noodles with dinner. But other than that I had plenty of veggies and fruit and healthy proteins. And this morning I was up a 1/2 pound.

This is not a tragedy or anything. But it has made me reflect on my diet over the last week or so and know that I need to batten down the hatches a little. I need to actually monitor my treats to make sure that feeling like its time for one (or has been sufficient time since the last one) is not just wishful thinking on my part. Sometimes a day between indulgences feels like a week – but its only a day. And indulging every day is no way to lose weight. Not to say that I don’t like the things I eat that I don’t consider indulgences.

So, with that, it is Thursday. I’m going to look over my food journal right now and see when my last “indulgence” occurred ……… okay I’m back. Last indulgence: chocolates at work on Tuesday.  Before that: cinnabread, tons of candy on Sunday. Before that: candy, pizza, cinnabread on Saturday. Every week isn’t like that exactly, but that’s not a good trend. Two days in a row, then one day before the next indulgence. Now its Thursday, its only been one full day since my last treat. To me, that means I need to set a goal to eat well and under control (yummy, healthy, planned foods) until at least next Tuesday. Tuesday I will plan for an indulgence, whatever I’m feeling like that day. Perhaps some chocolate or ice cream. Not a whole day off – the rest of the day will be planned and healthy as usual.

With all that said, I was up to 189 this morning. I’m not upset about it, though I’m not thrilled either. It could just be a reflection of the second half of my day yesterday being when most of the food got eaten, or some retained water because my muscles are in repair mode, or not getting enough sleep, or where I am in my cycle. So many things. But I hope over the next week to see a more downward trend.

Money motivates me. We don’t have enough of it, and being held monetarily responsible for my health pushes me to make healthier choices. At least that’s the idea. I’m hoping that my brother decides to join me, because putting money into a pot that just goes back to me isn’t exactly a detterent. My mother says she wants to participate also. I figure the person that pays the least into the pot gets the pot. That’s the only thing I can think of to make this thing work for more than just two people.

Last night I made my goals. Good thing, too, because I weighed in at 201.5 this morning, while I’ve been hovering between 198 and 199 all week. Below are my goals and I’ve started today. I’ve picked my biggest weaknesses to address with this contest – the rest of my eating habits are pretty good and if they’re not they’re minor compared to the night binging. I’m starting today, and hopefully I can get Mom and A on board quickly, though I fully intend to win. I want to use this competition as a way to continue to establish habits. Habits that will last me even after I get pregnant.

GOALS:

1) No binging at night. Binging is defined as having more than 1 or 2 snacks after dinner or eating after 9 PM (I rarely eat after 9 that it doesn’t turn out to an all-out assault on the kitchen). CONTEST COST: I pay $10 into the pot for every night I binge, added up weekly.

2) Exercise at least 30 minutes 6 times a week. I usually work out for closer to an hour, but I’m trying to learn that 30 minutes is still great and if I can’t do an hour or more, 30 minutes of something is still worth it. CONTEST COST: $10 into pot for every missed day.

3) Fresh produce at least once a day. CONTEST COST: $5 for every day missed.

I have a feeling that A and Mom are going to think my costs and goals are too steep. But I know myself and if I set them as some measly $5 per week or $1 per infraction, I will think its worth it to pay. When I mentally decided I’m going to binge (YES, I DECIDE, isn’t that AWFUL? But its true), I’ll be like oh, its only a dollar. And I’ll dive headfirst into a bucket of yogurt. So to speak. So I’ve decided to make this EXPENSIVE for myself if I don’t follow through. Because I don’t have that kind of money.

So there you have it. I started today. Last night I made dinner menus for the week and a list of breakfast and lunch ideas. Trying to mix it up a little instead of eating the same things over and over. I’m also going to make a sign for the fridge at my parents’ house (my printer is out of ink), and I’ll track infractions/costs/goals achieved in a spreadsheet. Today I’m going to make some lentil soup and some roasted chickpeas for salads. Yum!

Still deciding if I’m going to go for an outdoor run today or if I’ll just work out inside.

Happy week everyone!

This is the email I wrote to my brother about my brilliant idea today. The only problem with this idea is its not a one person show. If he doesn’t want to to do it, I don’t know anyone else in person that would. Cross your fingers….

“Basic Idea (we can complicate it with details later if you think it is valid):
We each set 2 or 3 (or more) measurable goals (i.e. exercise X days a week, no binging at night (for me), no extra snacks 6 out of 7 days, dinners all week include fresh produce, etc.)

We honestly keep track of each goal each week (should be weekly goals I think, even if based on daily efforts).

Every time we DON’T accomplish a goal, we owe money to the other person. For example, if I set a goal to not binge at night and I binge 2 times that week, I owe you for each time I binge – maybe $10 for each infraction. Ideally, NEITHER of us would make any money because we want each other to keep our goals. PLUS, knowing when we mess up we’re going to not only be hurting ourselves health-wise, BUT we’re going to owe money on top of it…… get the idea?

The details of the goals are still working out in my head. I say if it is a goal to NOT do something (like binge) then we owe every time we DO that something. If it is a goal to DO something, then we just owe once if we don’t accomplish (for example if we have a goal to work out 6 times a week and we only work out 4 times we owe one set sum for that whole week – OR I guess we could do an amount for each time we fall short, like in that case we’d owe $10 two times because we were two workouts short.)

Okay, I could keep giving examples, but then we’d go for a month or two months, tracking and reporting to each other weekly, and then at a set date we’d do 2 things 1) evaluate our goals and hopefully UP them to make it more challenging for ourselves and to keep progressing and improving our health, and 2) PAY UP.

Don’t leave me hanging bro – I think this is brilliant. Because since money is always tight, it wouldn’t be some arbirtray amount like we owe whomever loses the most weight fastest some big lump sum. Sometimes you can’t control how fast your body loses weight no matter how hard you try.

Okay, what do you think?????? Don’t wait 2 months to email me back on this because I’m really excited. And you’re the only person I know personally that wants to lose weight and is willing to DO something about it – everyone else I just know on the internet.

……..I’m waiting……..

I’ve joined a challenge over at Prior Fat Girl to only drink water for the rest of this month. But my biggest challenge to accomplish that is simply going to be remembering. I’m such a mindless eater that often I’m eating or drinking something before I’ve really thought it through. I think at work today I’m going to make a sign for the fridge as a reminder – JUST WATER. But if I can just remember, I really don’t drink much BUT water anymore. I rarely drink milk, soda, juice. And I never drink coffee or tea. So it shouldn’t be too hard – just have to remember.

With this challenge I’ve realized something. I need more challenge. Something to work toward besides just “losing weight”. I didn’t work out last night, and once again I was trolling for stuff to eat. I can’t seem to take a night off from working out without automatically assuming I’m going to binge as an alternative activity. Now, last night would have been much worse if we had much in the house worth binging on, but we don’t. As it was, I had to really brainstorm to think of things to overeat. How messed up is that?

When I was preparing for my 5K, I wasn’t perfect. But knowing that definitive, measurable goal was looming in front of me really helped me to stay on track with healthier decisions. And after the race, I fell apart. Add vacation to that equation and I’m lucky isn’t wasn’t worse than it was.

I want another goal to work toward. A challenge with a definite end (not end to trying to be healthier, just something with a defined date when I ACCOMPLISH it). And really, I need to have another challenge/goal lined up after that so that I keep trucking. I’m bouncing between 199 and 195, and I’m staying there. I’m ok with my body re-calibrating to adjust to losing 35 pounds, but I also don’t want to stop losing weight for very long just because I can’t seem to get it together for more than a day or two in a row.

Now with all this said, I’m not sure where to get one of these goal-thingies. Should it just be some arbitrary thing I pick for myself with a due date? Should it be some challenge from a blog somewhere? Should it be another race? There aren’t really any races around here that are jumping out at me in the next couple months. I’d pick an event, but there aren’t any big events coming up in my life. I mean other than my daughter going to kindergarten, and the kids’ birthdays this fall, and those don’t seem like big weight loss events to me. We don’t have any exotic vacations coming up, no weddings. Our 6th anniversary is in October, but I have a hard time associating anything to do with my husband with weight loss; he thinks I’m sexy and wonderful just as I am.

I know I don’t have many readers – I’m not sure any are actually regulars or just stumbling upon my blog for a one-time read. But if anyone’s reading this – any ideas?????

Or because I’m not sticking to my own plan right now? If I were to go back and read my history of dieting, etc., I would see that my diet plans stop giving me results about the same time I stop following them strictly. And I think that’s what’s happening now. I’m tempted to switch my plans, get some new-fangled, pretty, shiny plan. But I really think that what I was doing was great. It was working. The last couple of weeks have been rife with unique stresses and healthy eating days, but also with binges and days I just don’t try at all. No wonder I’ve plateaued, and in the last couple days since the crash, gained a little. Duh! And I haven’t worked out since the race early Saturday morning; the huge bruise on my leg has given me a great excuse to sit on my butt a lot.

This morning I got an email from Brad of Eat Stop Eat (his newsletter) where he interviews a guy that invented “Cheat Your Way Thin.” And once I’d looked at the special promotion being offered over there I almost spend $47 to get a shiny new bauble, in this case the bauble being a new “plan”. But I talked myself down, mainly by telling myself the promotion goes until Friday and if I still want it I have time. The more I think about my reasoning for wanting it, though, the more I realize it is just because I haven’t seen much results in the last few weeks. BUT THAT IS BECAUSE I HAVEN’T BEEN FOLLOWING MY PLAN. That was working. That works. I don’t need to spend money on a new plan.

I DO need to start spending money on food that will be good for me, but that won’t trigger me. Every once in a while I have to draw back, check in with the reality of my binging, and eliminate all trigger-foods from the house. I DO need to keep working out. I DO need to keep track of my snacks and not think that because I had a light breakfast I can eat 10 snacks instead of 2. I DO need to include produce in every one of my meals and snacks.

That’s what I need to do. So instead of looking for a new pretty toy program, I need to follow the one I have that ISN’T broken.