Comfy in My Skin

Wednesday I ended up not going into the office. Tuesday while I was out grocery shopping I got a call from K saying that K2 had started puking. I hurried and finished up and came home just in time for K2 to puke twice more. Had to shampoo carpet, change his bedding, and leave him in his diaper for a while as a precaution.

He seemed to feel fine after losing all his food, but we were careful for the rest of the evening with what we fed him. K continued to moan and groan – I swear he pulled muscles when he puked and that’s why he’s still sore tonight – 2 days later. K2 is also fine, and has been since Tuesday afternoon.

But just as a precaution, I kept P home from school yesterday and didn’t go into the office myself. We spent most of the day installing more laminate, though K was so tired and cranky by the end of the day that he was starting fights with me, which is usually my role. We got it almost completed, just a few more square feet. It looks amazing and is such a huge step up from particle board floors!!

I will run on my treadmill tonight for the first time since last week. I’m nervous about how it will be on the laminate, but I went and bought a new treadmill mat (my old one stuck to the garage floor and then ripped when I tried to pull it up to use it). So hopefully the mat will both keep me in place and sufficiently protect the floor from my pounding. We’re in the process of moving the entire living room around, so its all kind of make-shift right now until we finish up the last of the laminate tomorrow. I’m super-excited to have everything in place and to fully be able to enjoy the flooring. Swiffering, here I come!!!

I went to work today, and it was pretty productive. Got a lot of work lined up, so I have basically as many hours of work there as I want. I’m excited about the money, and not so excited about being sucked back into them depending on me. I’m going to have a to full on quit again and I wonder how long it will be before I do it for real. Perhaps when the next baby comes along. Goodness knows I don’t have maternity leave now that I’m flex with no benefits.

Weighed in at 186 this morning. Even though I haven’t been working out much the past few days, I’ve tried to shut myself down at night for eating. I got my fill of Halloween candy this weekend and now I’m staying out of it. Had a little too much to eat at the office today, but I also didn’t have my afternoon snack. So hoping to have 186 again tomorrow and hoping for 185 soon. Of course, I’m barely post-peri0d and this is when I feel most in control. Hope to keep up the good work.

Oh, and I’m in love with pomegranate arils. Bummed though that I bought 4 for $7.88 at Sams only to find out they are a dollar each at Walmart. Hope to stock up - I have a feeling I’m going to be looking forward to pomegranate season from now on.

Ok, so I went to all the trouble of helping my kids collect candy. They actually collected candy two nights in a row. I literally have a small rubbermaid storage container full of candy. It is on top of the fridge. I combined their two bags into it and have been digging in ever since. Last night I finally decided there was nothing else in there that I really want, but I know when it comes down to munchy, crunchy, I-want-sugar time, that won’t hold.

So, what should I do? My 2-year old won’t care if the candy disappears. Sure, he’ll ask for some and he’ll get told no, but he’ll get over it. My 5-year old will know. And question. And maybe cry. But we’ve all been getting way more than our quota of sugar for the last few days, her included. Its not good for her teeth, her bones, her health, or…. well, anything. Do I throw away candy that I purposely brought into my home? Is that wasteful? Should I have her pick a few things that she really wants and set them aside for rationing a couple a week? Should I throw away all the candy that is even MAYBE going to tempt me?

I don’t know what to do with it. But I know I have to do something, because having a huge case of candy at arms length is not helping me or my health, or my family’s health. If we’re going to snack, there are so many better options. Of course, we don’t have a lot of those options in the house right now.

I was going to go grocery shopping today, and then K started installing the laminate flooring yesterday with plans to finish it today. So I was going to dedicate myself to making sure I helped him with that this afternoon. But he woke up this morning at 5:30 and started puking by 6. He’s had diarrhea and more puking since then, and he’s in a lot of abdominal pain. He had me look up appendicitis symptoms – I hope that’s not it. Its probably callous of me to say, but I hope we don’t have to take him to the hospital; we still haven’t paid off the bill from June when he went in from dehydration and diarrhea.

This makes me want to get my family healthy. I feel like even though I’m still overweight and could be stronger, that I’m healthy. And strong. I try to give my children good things to eat, to bolster their immune systems with whole foods, etc. But I feel like I’m not doing a good enough job. And its even harder to make my husband eat healthily. Do I need to start making 3 meals a day for him, too? Perhaps I should. Perhaps I should make him eat what I eat. And like it dangit. So that he’ll be not just strong in physical strength, but strong in his immune system, and internal workings. I dunno if that makes sense.

The floor situation and the candy situation helped me develop some kind of excuse for not working out last night. Not cool. I want to be motivated again, and I’m struggling. Again. Sheesh. Well, its a new day.

That sounds mean, but I really mean it. And if I could only know who’s day I ruined, or be there to see their chagrin and scrambling that would have made it even better.

So, let me explain. Its not really that big a deal, and there’s no way to know if I ruined someone’s day or not. Without going into a blow-by-blow of how this came about…… Our internet has acted squirrelly for a while now. Usually, we just keep closing the browser and starting over until we get one that “works” for some unknown reason. We’d get a ‘working’ browser window open, only to click on a link that opened a new window and have that window be a non-working one (white screen, thinking, thinking, thinking forever). Today for the first time in a long time I did some work from home. I had 3 TMs to edit and some website work to do, and the white screen, thinking forever with nothing coming up was driving me CRAZY today. And it seemed much worse than usual. So I called my dad after doing everything I knew how to do (clearing out cookies, running my virus and spyware scanner, etc.). And after some chattering on my part about symptoms we discovered that the Wireless light on my modem was blinking. As it usually was. Wait a minute!!! We don’t use the wireless!!! ……..

So, we shut the wireless off. And I hope the turd-butt that’s been using my bandwidth for who-knows-how-long had a HORRIBLE day after that! But who knows, really. That’s just me hoping. And I haven’t had a white-non-working browser window since. Blissful. I guess I just took for granted that people are honest and upstanding. And so many of them aren’t. I knew what that blinking wireless light meant – I should have thought of that much sooner. So I guess its my fault, too. Anyway, someone out there is all of the sudden left without their free internet. Whoohooo!! And mine works right!!!

In other, less vindictive news, I put pumpkin in my green blended oats this morning!! And it was super-yummy. I put in spinach as usual but there wasn’t a lot left of my pre-steamed spinach, so I put in a spoonful of pumpkin puree, and ate it all in the almost-empty peanut butter jar. Nom nom, as the bloggers say.

I also dehydrated some canned pineapple rings yesterday and they are also tasty. Nice little snack for exercising your jaw.

K started pulling floorboards off the walls today in preparation for trying to get as much of the laminate flooring down tomorrow as possible. I don’t know how that will go because I have a pretty packed today planned tomorrow and K doesn’t seem to do very well when I have a lot going on – even if my stuff shouldn’t interfere with his stuff. Is that mean to say? Well, its true.

On the books for tomorrow:

• Conference call at 1:00 for work, its looking like I will be picking up some more hours as the person that does a lot of our website support is switching jobs to HR department as of Monday. Probably at least one more afternoon a week and some working at home. We need the money, so I’m trying to be cheerful about it. I’m hoping this will help me have some money for Christmas shopping.
• Parent-teacher conference at 2:40 for P’s kindergarten 1st quarter. Excited to talk about my daughter and be told she’s wonderful. Oh, that might not happen you say? Well, I can hope.
• Leaving the house by 3:20 to meet my mom at the south gate of the AFA to send the kids off with her, packing their Halloween costumes so they can attend her ward’s trunk-or-treat with her.
• Go over to the mall or some other place I can hang out reading books, browsing through stuff I can’t buy, etc. Kill time up on the north end of town until I meet the girls (2 women from my ward) at 5:30 at Olive Garden for girls’ night out dinner.
• After dinner and some fun chatting and catching up (probably around 7:30 or so), drive north to Monument to pick up kids

So I’ll need to be ready and dressed for dinner basically by my 1:00 conference call, since there isn’t a break anywhere in there with sufficient time to get ready. We shall see how the floor installation goes considering he hasn’t got his butt in gear as early as he’d have to to have my help in a while. But it’ll be a good day! I’m excited, even if the flooring doesn’t go in. There’s always next week.

Saturday the only things going on that I know of is K making his chili for the cook-off and our Halloween party for our ward. I might go to the church earlier in the day and help decorate one of the rooms. Other than that it shouldn’t be too stress-inducing. Then, Sunday, I teach.

Hoping for a good workout tonight. Later!!

It is surprising to me what a force PMS can be. Not until it subsides do I often realize it is even happening. But the weight of it lifting is obvious. Now, I don’t think it is an excuse to be crazy, moody, and gluttonous. But the little black cloud can be real. And when it is gone, the sun is radiant.

Today hasn’t been much out of the ordinary. I allowed myself the luxury of buying a whole bunch of yogurt, Chobani even. I went to lunch with some friends from work. I spent some time on the computer this morning making a new collage of photos of our family for my Desktop, changing the background color that surrounds it. And making a blank table with Sunday-Monday at the top of the columns, and Breakfast, Lunch, Snack, Dinner, Snack, Notes as the Row headings on the left. I made it with fun fonts and a pretty border, and my plan is to print and laminate it. I will make a week’s worth of dinner menus on Sunday or Saturday night, and I’ll fill in the rest of the meals for myself and the kids the night before each day. And its laminated!! So I won’t continue to waste a post-it every day with my menus. I’m also going to make one for TO-DO, though smaller than a whole page.

I made quesadillas for dinner, and they were tasty and the kids actually ate them. I LOVE it when that happens, especially since I’d finely chopped some brocolli and put it in the black bean/chicken mixture that was the “meat” of the quesadillas. Hidden veggies!! They had mandarin oranges for dessert. I had an open-faced quesadilla with sliced summer squash lining the top of mine.

Anyway, feeling better. My signs all over the place today have helped me stay in a better frame of mind, and I’m planning to have a nice run after the kids go to bed. And enjoy it.

Yesterday was a good day. Nothing extraordinary, but good. I got showered and ready for work before picking P up from school. I took some leftover goldfish chicken and quinoa to work. Also some shredded carrots and zuchinni that I needed to use. And a Larabar.

Work was a little slow, but I got some stuff done and felt a little productive. Luckily, the chocolate jars weren’t overloaded with stuff I had a hard time resisting, and though I had some chocolate I wasn’t out of control like I am sometimes. I warmed up the quinoa with the veggies and had the chicken for lunch. I had my Larabar only an hour later; just too excited to eat it because it was Cashew Cookie, my favorite flavor. Of course, because of the Sweettarts that I consumed starting on Saturday at the movies and continuing until Monday, the roof of my mouth has been one big, raw sore for days now. And eating anything hurts. Today’s the first day it hasn’t made me want to whimper to chew food. Not that the pain has stopped me.

Anyway, I left the office at 4 and went home, where K had made chicken spaghetti for dinner. I should have made a salad to go with it, but I just didn’t feel like it. *Smack on forehead* It was ok, but Ididn’t eat a lot. After doing the dishes, changing into my workout clothes, and settling the kids in front of the TV (yes, I’m that mom), I set out to do T-Tapp in front of the computer while the kids watched cartoons behind me. It worked surprisingly well! I did a 40-min T-Tapp workout and it felt good. And different. And it felt AWESOME to have my workout done before the kids went to bed. As soon as I was done working out, I got the kids their bed-time snack and then made mine. Nonfat plain yogurt w/ stevia, berries, hot chocolate powder and some granola. SO GOOD. It hurt to eat the bites with granola in them, but I made do.

Then, we set off upstairs where we got into pajamas and read 3 books. Kids in bed by 8:20. I came back downstairs and finished the dishes, started the dishwasher, filled my water jugs for the fridge, and then did something pretty silly. But symbolic. I’d already decided I was going upstairs to shower, read my scriptures, make a list for today’s to-do, and watch one show in bed, away from the kitchen. But just in case, I went to every cupboard and air-locked them and threw away the ‘key’. No, my cupboards don’t have locks on them. I was just pretending. It helped me solidify it though, that I wasn’t going into those cupboards again that night for anything. And I didn’t. It helped that I was upstairs, and it helped that I’d exercised and was feeling so good. So I’m not delusional that air-locking my cupboards kept me out of them, but all components together helped me have a binge-free night.

I did my tasks, watched 2 shows, and turned the light out and TV off around 10:50. And then I couldn’t get to sleep for over a half hour. But I slept well, and felt marginally more rested this morning than the last few days. Tonight, I hope to be able to fall asleep more quickly after turning off the TV since I didn’t go back to sleep after taking P to school this morning like the last two mornings.

This blow-by-blow is probably pretty boring, but I wanted to record how mixing it up a little (working out while the kids are still awake) is helping me snap out of a funk. I’m going to “air” “lock” the cupboards again tonight after my after-dinner snack. Which is already planned out as are the rest of the eats for today.

Might go for a run outside today with my dog. Haven’t taken her on one of my runs in a long time. Or maybe I’ll just go by myself. Or take her for my mile run and then go back out by myself. I don’t know yet.

Tomorrow, I’m taking K2 and going to a craft fair with my mom, first one of the season. I’m looking forward to it.

Gotta go get P from school in a few minutes.

Last night I was dressed for a workout an hour before the kids went to bed, sports bra, running shoes and all. I put the treadmill down while the kids were still up, opened it up and vacuumed it out. I showed K2 how to use it – which was pretty hilarious.

Then, I put the kids to bed. …….. And didn’t work out. Put the treadmill away without using it. Didn’t touch my resistant tubes, dumbbells, mini-bands. Sat on my hiney all evening and well into the night watching TV. And eating.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

I was up until after midnight. I didn’t read scriptures. I could have eaten more, but I definitely ate plenty.

Today a week ago was my last workout. I know that the first workout back is usually the hardest. I’m trying to get there. I feel so burnt out! Why? Its not like I’ve been making monumental effort for weeks on end? I’ve been plateaued for months because I HAVEN’T been making a monumental effort.

I’m settling. I’m floundering. I’m so tired, but I don’t make myself go to bed at a reasonable hour. I’ve eaten way too much EVERY night that I’ve not worked out. Recipe for disaster. I didn’t even bother weighing myself today because I would assume I’m back up over 190 by now. I even, get this, watched Biggest Loser while eating and sitting last night. Ugh.

I’m writing this down because these are the thoughts in my head. Even with all this said, I can’t guarantee that today will be better. I just don’t feel motivated at all right now. I’m not going to make any bold statements about what I’m going to do today and tomorrow, etc. Because I’m not feeling it.

When I went on this diet back in March, it was because I’d finally decided that I was NEVER going to “feel” it. I wasn’t going to have a “click” when all the motivation, knowledge, etc., fell into place and made me want to start being healthier. So I just did it anyway. So what’s my problem now?

Nothing super-interesting going on here. I’ve eaten a lot of healthy, yummy things the last couple of days, though.

Last night, I cooked my first butternut squash. After perusing quite a few recipes online, I decided to follow a simple recipe for baked garlic butternut squash. It was very good, consisting of some garlic powder (I don’t have cloves right now), parsley, coconut oil, chives, salt, pepper. Baking in peeled, cubes pieces in a pan and putting some parmesan over the top about half-way through baking. I thought it was delicious and had some of the leftovers with my lunch today. The kids didn’t seem thrilled with it, though they ate a little. K said he liked it and ate all of his, which is a good indicator he told the truth since I gave him quite a lot. I made stove-top iron-skillet steaks with the squash, had salad with mine while the kids and K had noodles with theirs.

Tonight I made rice (for them), steamed brocolli (with garlic and onion powder, salt & pepper sprinkled on top while steaming – seems to have helped), and salmon cooked in a bit of coconut oil. Tasty. I also made some banana bread today with some ripening bananas and a big batch of lentil soup for emergency meals and healthy lunches (the kids and I like it, K doesn’t). The banana bread was modified slightly because I substituted more than half of the flour with whole wheat flour, the butter with applesauce (small dribble of coconut oil added), and a little less sugar than it calls for. Also didn’t put in the chocolate chips since K doesn’t like chocolate in banana bread, but put some on top of a hot slice when it was finished for the kids’ snack (and mine).

With dinner, lentil soup, and banana bread, I feel like I cooked all day though I know it isn’t true. But my family has eaten well today, as have I. I’ve had some candy since dinner. Some Halloween bags that K brought home for the kids and I. Luckily, there isn’t anything else in the bags that I really like. Will probably still have a snack later this evening, as will the kids. When we’re on winter hours and eat dinner around 4:30 so that we can eat before K leaves for work, our nightly snack becomes more important.

Worked out hard last night doing a full body circuit that I pieced together from a video I saw with the equipment I have. Then did 30 min of fast intervals on the treadmill – all while watching Biggest Loser. I could have predicted that Tracy wasn’t going anywhere. She’s bringing all the drama – they can’t let her go yet. Ha!

Have a muscle between my shoulder blades, on my right side that keeps bothering me. I think I’m pulling it somehow when I use my resistance tubes. It hurts when I breathe too deepy. Last time it hurt, I took the night off from working out. But since I’ve allowed myself one night off between T and F, I don’t want to use it unless I’m really tired. I’m tired tonight, but not that tired. So I’m hoping the muscle/spot won’t bother me while I work out. I’m not sure if I’ll just run or if I’ll try to do some conditioning as well.

Tomorrow, I go to the office. Hoping K will give K2 a haircut while I’m gone. Need to get started on the swing set Friday. That’s the used wooden swing set in our garage that I bought before we left for Utah but that we went and picked up this last Thursday. I need to sand it, replace some boards, stain it, and put it back together so that the kids can use it. Lots of work, and I really need to get it done so that we have the room back in the garage, room we can’t really spare. Especially since work on putting our new floors in should begin soon.

So I’ll get started.

Utah. We left Thursday around midday. Got there about 8:30. It was a long day, but the dog slept the whole way, refused to pee at any of our stops (there were actually only 2), but since we were trying to give her time the kids got more walk-around time than they usually do. The kids travelled well, and there was generally no incident to report.

Didn’t sleep well the whole time we were in Utah, so I won’t go into the nights.

Friday, I went out with my SIL, L, to the maill. It was awesome – the first time I’ve been able to shop with her and actually fit into any of the clothes in the stores we went to. We went to American Eagle Outfitters first since I told her I had a gift card there, and I tried on a bunch of stuff that I would never have considered without her advice. That’s basically how it was every place I went with her all weekend – trying on clothes that I didn’t think would look good, and then they did. It was great. So, to sum up, I bought two shirts at AE (both on clearance) and two shirts at Express (also clearance). All of the shirts have low V necks that require me to wear a tank-top underneat, but I love them anyway. Fun. We went to VS so I could get measured for a br3, and after the lady decided I was a 36DD, we decided I’m actually a 38D. The VS br3 fit like a DREAM, but I couldn’t bring myself to spend $38 on it, so I waited on the br3 purchase until I could get to Kohl’s. Oh, and Friday morning before shopping, L and I went running. Well, I ran and she walked because her knee was bothering her.

Let’s see, Friday night is murky. Not sure what happened. I’m sure there was a meal in there, and hanging out with L. She’s great company, and I really enjoy spending time with her.

Saturday. Tried to go running. Went about as far as I had the day before, but had to cough more so it didn’t go very quickly. Then I got ready and my friend E came and picked me up. We went shopping. We went to Kohl’s and Payless. I got 3 pairs of shoes for me and 1 for P at Payless, and I got 2 br3s at Kohl’s and some jewelry that was on clearance. By the time we were done at Kohl’s, I had a headache from not eating and we went straight to Cafe Rio where I skarfed down a pulled pork burrito made enchilada style and a huge Dr. Pepper. Not used to caffeine, I was BUZZED after that. We went back and hung out at the house with the kids in time for the men to go to their meeting and waited for my SIL to get home from work. Then we hung out for a little while longer and left again. We went to Frogurt – which I’m in love with. Make your own bowl of frozen yogurt picking from about 10 different flavors and a big variety of toppings, pay by the ounce. SO GOOD! After Frogurt yumminess, we drove to her parents’ house to see her family and the extension they’ve built on their house. It was great to see her parents, two brothers, cousin, SIL. I just didn’t get to see her other SIL, and sister and BIL. Oh, and her niece. Who is 12 and so tall and pretty! I haven’t seen her since she was like 4 – what a difference!!

Got back around 10 to find that K2 was up again and missing me. Comforted him for a while. Hung out looking at E’s jewelry. L bought some, and E gave me some. Yay for pretty chandelier earrings made by a BFF!

Sunday was more low-key. I am not proud of the TJ Maxx trip that really shouldn’t have taken place on a Sunday. Also got a yummy shake from a mom&pop joint. Spent the evening at the BIL and SILs’. Monday, K got his turn (finally!) to take off and went to see some friends. I spent most of the day at the SILs and got to try working out at L’s gym that evening. That was a bit of a farce since I kept coughing, her meeting got cancelled, and I only worked out for about 20 minutes, and not hard.

Tuesday, we left around 1 for home. Got home at 10:15. Daisy didn’t sleep as much, but the kids slept a lot – being exhausted after 4 days of hard playing. I was sore from doing most of the driving, but it kept me from having to deal with the kids’ and dog’s demands, so I’m fine with the trade-off.

P didn’t have school this whole last week due to teachers’ day Friday and the school closing for sick kids the rest of the days. She goes back tomorrow after a lazy week of sleeping in for all of us. Not looking forward to getting up at 7 AM tomorrow.

So, yeah, last week was pretty quiet. Slowly recovered from the trip, got unpacked. Have some cleaning to do since we’ve been back a week, but since I left it pretty clean its been good for a while. Gotta start doing laundry again tomorrow. Slept in a lot. Went grocery shopping with my mom after going to lunch with her on Friday. One afternoon at the office. Saturday spent reading a book since it was icy and dreary outside. Sunday taught a lesson and went to Monument for dinner – a sort-of b-day dinner for K2. Oh, I forgot to mention we had a small celebration for his 2-year b-day. His b-day is kind of a problem since it always falls on the weekend we got to Utah. So far, he hasn’t cared, but I’m sure he’ll start caring soon.

Office today. Ate a buttload of chocolate there. Other than that, eating today has been great.

I’ve decided that I will work out 5 days week. Sundays are off, of course. But my other day off can be any day, BUT a consecutive day. Meaning, I have to work out Mondays and Saturdays. So my 2nd day off can be Tues, Wed, Thurs, or Fri. I’m also feeling more motivated after the last couple of days to stay out of the kitchen at night. Last night I simply told myself I wasn’t eating anything else.

I’m hovering around 188 lbs. And my pregnancy deadline is rapidly approaching. But I think it was psyching me out of my good habits since we got back from Utah, and I’m not going to let it anymore. Plus, I think it just has taken me a while to get my groove back.

There are a few things I’ve been very grateful for over the last week -

1- that the laundry was all done before we left

2- that I’ve gotten to sleep in so much (but I’ve also stayed up too late, so gotta start fixing that)

3- that I had lentil soup and spinach, whole-wheat pancakes in the freezer for quick, easy, healthy meals for me and the kids (we all love both). But I’m out, so I need to make more of both. Probably wouldn’t hurt to make something else I can freeze, but those are the only things in my current repertoire.

4- for my husband. and my kids. they’re great. even though I get frustrated with them.

Okay, so I am trying to decide if I want to give the kids baths tonight so that P is squeaky clean for her first day back to school after more than a week. And K2 can always use a bath – dirty little grunge-bucket.

Since tonight is Monday, it can’t be my night off from working out. I’m still super-sore in my legs from my workout Saturday night, so I think I’m going to focus tonight on becoming more comfortable with my resistance tubes that K bought me last week (he’s so sweet!!). I think I’ll do the exercises on the little poster – when I used them last week I did the DVD, but I have lots of stuff on the DVR since being gone for the trip. I’ve also taken my cardio down to 30 minutes – 45 was totally burning me out. So I’m doing 30 minutes of 2 min jogging, 1 min walking instead of 45 minutes of 2 and 2. And I’m doing my weight work first.

Got P’s hair cut this morning! It looks so much healthier! Took off about 2 inches and had the stylist cut bangs. Adorable. I need to get her some jeans. She has 1 pair that is long enough for her. Every other pant/jeans except her school uniforms are too short. She also needs some church dresses since she currently has 2 that aren’t too short. Maybe Wednesday.